This post is my summary of Lesson 10 in the Laws of Success in 16 Lessons by Napoleon Hill; it concerns the subject of developing a pleasing, or attractive, personality. Hill uses both terms but, personally, I prefer to think about developing an attractive personality, rather than a pleasing one – to me they mean different things, though Hill uses the terms interchangeably.
An attractive personality is one that attracts what we want; a pleasing personality, to me, resonates more with Ennegram Type #2 (The Giver). There’s nothing wrong with any particular personality, of course, and you have your personality for all the right reasons – it allows you to get along with most people, most of the time. But no particular personality type is best. So, I think it’s important to underline that’s Hill is not talking about developing a Type #2 personality.
Regardless of the personality type you happen to be, you can still develop the ability to attract as a function of that personality and that is really what this lesson is about. Conveniently, he gives us a short, pithy statement of how this is possible. To be attractive, he says, we need to take, “a keen heart-interest in the other fellow’s ‘game’ in life.”
To illustrate his point, Hill talks about a lady who came to see him and who first charmed him with her pleasant smile and warm handshake before engaging him in very pleasant conversation about the importance of Hill’s own work. He then suggests that the power of the law of reciprocity will be enough to ensure the sales message is, at least, heard.
We are all alike in this respect - we will listen with intense interest to those who have the tact to talk to us about that which lies closest to our hearts; and then, out of a sense of reciprocity, we will also listen with interest when the speaker finally switches the conversation to the subject which lies closest to his or her heart; and, at the end, we will not only “sign on the dotted line” but we will say, “What a wonderful personality!”
In true Napoleon Hill style, he then gives us another anecdote to illustrate the application of the principle. It is a story about a salesman who sold some securities to an artist. He managed to sell them, where other, apparently skilful salesmen had failed and he did so by using the above principle i.e. he showed a genuine interest in the artists work.
I like what Hill says after that:
We look at a successful man in the hour of his triumph, and wonder how he did it, but we overlook the importance of analyzing his methods and we forget the price he had to pay in careful, well organized preparation which had to be made before he could reap the fruits of his efforts.
James Allen makes exactly the same point at the end of his book As a Man Thinketh. He is essentially saying that action is what separates the successful from the remainder of the field. Successful people are action-takers. And he goes a step further to say that the necessary actions can be derived by studying successful people and modelling their tactics.
To my surprise, I found Hill analysing Mark Anthony’s speech – his analysis appears in parenthesis - following the death of his friend, Ceasar:
“Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your ears; I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.”
(Allying himself with what he knew to be the state of mind of his listeners.)
“The evil that men do lives after them; The good is oft interred with their bones; So let it be with Caesar. The noble Brutus Hath told you Caesar was ambitious; If it were so, it was a grievous fault; And grievously hath Caesar answered it.
Here, under leave of Brutus and the rest, - For Brutus is an honorable man; So are they all, all honorable men - Come I to speak at Caesar’s funeral.”
And what a speech he delivers!
By the end, he has the mob on his side and against Brutus and the other supposedly honourable men. It is well worth studying because the speech provides a good illustration of how the power of rhetoric can be used to exert influence.
But whilst Hill admires Anthony’s oratory skill, he is not really advocating the use of manipulation. If you again read his short summary of this principle, notice that he uses the phrase ‘heart-interest’ … we need to take, “a keen heart-interest in the other fellow’s ‘game’ in life.” That means having a genuine interest in what is important to the other person.
So, in summary, to develop an attractive personality, Hill is saying we need to become genuinely interested in other people. I find this to be a central principle in Dale Carnegie’s most famous book, How to Win Friends and Influence People and it also is to be found in Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, where it appears in Habit #5 – seek first to understand, then be understood.
Hill concludes by saying that people can see through falseness and that it may be possible for you to get your outward act together, but if you don’t earnestly take an interest, people will know. You can develop that earnestness by choosing to work on your essential character. With positive suggestions, you can transform yourself into the kind of person you need to become to succeed.
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