They say that when you have a near death experience it changes you. I have to say they are right There I lay on the floor of the bar, Backdoor Billiards, with the worst physical pain I had ever felt. One 38 bullet to the chest… was that all it was? Is this the way it ends? God please_ make it stop hurting.

All of these thoughts and probably a thousand more raced through my mind who will take care of my wife and children. Please, God, don't take me now. I wish that I could say that at this point I passed out, but I didn't. I remember every bump of the ambulance, every hole in the road. They say the brain doesn't allow you to actually remember the pain, only that it was there and trust me it was there.

Those that tell you it doesn't hurt when you get shot, have never been shot. 'It hurts and hurts terribly. I was conscious in the ambulance, it was so rough, I remember telling the paramedic to name the ambulance, Teddy Roosevelt, because it was a rough riding sucker. ( except I don't think I said sucker, although it did rhyme) I kept begging for someone, anyone to knock me out, it hurt so bad. There was very little outward bleeding as I was bleeding internally. My stomach was a small mountain; and I don't_ mean a molehill either.

They couldn't give me any anaesthesia until we arrived at the hospital, so they could assess my injuries. To this day I can still remember being rolled into the emergency room. For some reason I couldn't see. I kept thinking am I blind; but I could hear everything. It was almost funny, everything the Doctor ask for, the nurse would say, "I'm sorry Doctor, we're out of it." Finally he receive a scalpel he could use and yes, I swear, he cut me from the center of my chest to my groin, with me awake.

Did I scream? I have no idea but I felt the pressure release from my chest as the blood spurted to the ceiling, and the doctor calling for a specific swab and clamp, as the Nurse once again said_ " we're out of that Doctor." I still remember thinking "And this is the number one, the best trauma unit in Nashville, Tennessee".

Twelve Doctors worked on me for 6 hours, before, I was sent to ICU, I was there less than thirty minutes, when I began haemorrhaging. Back to surgery I went, another five hours of the knife. At the end of this round I was forty pounds lighter, having lost my spleen, my left kidney, left lobe of my liver and a small portion of my pancreas. As I like to say, outside of that there were no injuries.

The Doctor told me later he knew right away when I woke up in the ICU that I was going to be O.K. It seems my first words after looking down at the row of staples in my chest. I said "Doc, I thought I got shot, I didn't know I had a caesarean. He said further evidence of my eventual recovery was after saying that I looked at him with a worried look and asked, "Doc, where does it end? Is it still there? Why, you ask, did I get shot. Well I guess I probably deserved it. You see, I spent most of my life thinking with that part of me I was worried was missing, instead of using the brain God gave me.

The above is actually taken from an unpublished manuscript of mine and none of it is fiction. Every word of it happened and it happened to me. What I didn't write in there was that during the time I was haemorrhaging my heart actually stopped for, they told me, eleven minutes. That they were actually in the process calling the time of my passing when my eyes opened and I came back. This is the way I remember it. Whether it is my imagination I have no idea. While I was out I remember seeing myself in the middle of a huge river walking across it with my family behind me calling for me to come back.

Ahead of me was a Beautiful Lady in a Long Flowing White Gown with ' beautiful Blonde Hair holding her arms out to me saying coming home if you wish. It is not your time so it is your choice to come home or go back. Behind her I could see through the mist that surrounded her a beautiful light that while it was golden there were all the colors of the rainbow in it., reflecting off of a city so beautiful it almost hurt my eyes to look at it

Behind me my family was calling to me and crying for me to come back. In the middle of the river I turned around and began my walk back to my family. Later my daughter told me that I had visited her in the room she was staying in with friends about 20 miles from where the hospital was. She said that I entered a closed room coming through the solid door surrounded by a shining light and sat on the side of the bed and held her hand while telling her not to worry that I was ok and everything would be just fine.

Today twenty one years later she has no memory of ever telling me that or that it happened. Did it or is it all my imagination? I believe it did. It really doesn't matter whether it did or not. It is an entertaining story to tell and my life did change drastically over the next several years. Why did I tell this? To tell the truth I was sort of blocked and felt it was good to share for I feel there is someone out there that has had a near death experience and is actually afraid to talk about it for fear that they will make fun of them.

They will, those that do not understand and are not sensitive to this sort of thing yet more and more today there are people that do and will understand and empathize with you. Tell your story and allow things to fall where they will, but know this. Your Life will change whether you tell your story or not.

Love, Peace and Light,