| Tuesday, 1 July 2008 |
|
|
In 1987 in a business I owned a man walked up to me with his hand in his pocket telling me he had something for me. As he stopped in front of me pulling his hand from his pocket with a gun in it, placing it to my chest and pulling the trigger. My life came so close to being over. I had a near death experience, but this isn't about that. This is about the years of depression, anger and just plain pain of the 18 years or so.
Everyone that meets me thinks I am this mild mannered, laid back man, which I am. Most of life is just so dull, why get excited about it was my thinking. Although to the one that knew me best there was another side no one else hardly if ever saw. That was the beast of my anger. It rarely came out, but when it did it was as if a totally different person was present looking like me, but not acting as I acted.
This continued until this person I loved more than life itself said no more. I never struck her or physically abuse her. Abuse comes in many faces. We do not have to strike someone physically to harm them. Words can hurt worse than any blow struck could ever hurt. Words strike at the heart of a person, which hurt worse than any physical blow can ever hurt.
I tried again to explain it wasn't me. That I couldn't control it, these burst of anger that exploded out of no where. This is when she really let me have it. Can't control it, then why is it never happens unless we are alone and if someone comes in you bottle it up until they are gone. How do you explain that? I had no explanation. She had me. After much self examination I realize this was nothing new. I had been this was for years and I always chalked it up to the bi-polar the doctors said I had and the PTSS. Post
Traumatic Stress Syndrome from the gunshot.
After much thought and real soul searching. I realized the anger was real and it was mine. I also realised it had been with me my entire life. I always thought my childhood had no effect on me. But the Truth is having a heroin addict for a mom, an alcoholic for a dad and grand dad, a bank robber for a step dad and southern Baptist for guardians was not a normal childhood. Also being left by your self for hours at the age of 2 after watching your mom being taken away in a straight jacket may have added to the anger I was feeling.
All this is true, but it wasn't right for me to bottle in up and then dump it on the one I was suppose to love more than life itself.
Well it took me losing my love, my store, my career, my everything to decide to change. I was still breathing and as such I could change the person I had been. I have the control, the intelligence, the ability to do it. All that was required was the desire, the want to. So now it has been over a year since I have had an outburst, except when I had total control over it and used my bat on my pillow. I have found that anger as everything else is, is a choice. That is what Life is, A CHOICE. It is first an idea in mind and then it is a choice to express that idea. No one desires or deserves to be our dumping grounds.
Don't do to others what you do not desire done to you. Or stated this way. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
What I love about doing this is there are so many good self help books on this page and I have read most of them in the past and they have helped to bring me this far and I want to thank Will for giving me this opportunity and for making it so easy to obtain the information and help required to make us the very best we can be. I encourage you to explore the many books White Dove has to offer. As I said before I have most of them and enjoy all of them.
Until we meet again remember I Love you and wish only the best for you and to tell you a secret. As I write each article I place a blessing and a spell (for I am a wizard you know) for you to feel better and better as you read each word.
Blessings in the light of, Peace, Love, and Light Rev. Isaac Of Wisaac3rd.com
Gas prices getting you down? Search AOL Autos for fuel-efficient used cars. |
posted by The White Dove Partnership @ 10:20  |
|
|
|
|
|
