"Life ain't what it used to be." It's true because life expectancy is increasing all the time. Since the 1950s, in the Western World, people can expect to live on average eight to ten years longer. Women in the UK, on average can see themselves through to 83 years of age, and men up to 80. Just goes to show that men have a tougher time through life. There are currently 70 million Americans over the age of 65 and by the year 2025 one in four Europeans will be over 65. Back in the Roman Empire, people not passing away by the age of 22 were considered to be truly old age. I suppose most of them were fed to the lions.

 

So how come we can expect to live so much longer?

 

Well of course there is the big advancement in technology applied to healthcare. Operations that were once considered extremely risky are now common place. The discovery of many new drugs mean that many serious diseases and illnesses are no longer the death sentence they once were.

 

Diet. There is much criticism about all the additives with in our foods today. My experience with my own children highlights the effects that sugars, flavourings and e-numbers can have. But we are much more aware of our diets these days;

the benefits of five a day fruit and vegetables, small amounts of saturated fats plus low salt levels in our food all add to a healthier lifestyle.

 

Smoking and drinking alcohol. Although many people still smoke, the countries consciousness of the affects of smoking to our health means that less people are smoking and those that are, smoke less. Unfortunately the trend towards binge drinking amongst the younger generation may be storing up health issues in years to come.

 

And exercise. There may be an argument that we live a more sedentary life style, but the apparent growth in health clubs and leisure centres suggest that as a population we are still very aware of the need to exercise. The success of Team GB in the Beijing Olympics indicates a more positive attitude towards sport than a decade ago.

 

Then there is the mental aspect. It is probably the most important constituent. Without the correct attitude we would not have the self belief and desire to keep as young and active as possible. 

 

"You're as young as you feel" states the old adage.

 

Are we thinking that we are middle-aged, late middle-aged or old?

 

Well we should be thinking "none of the above."

 

Considering ourselves middle-aged or old is giving us labels by which society defines us. By putting ourselves into one of these categories we limit ourselves, deciding that at our age there are certain things we can no longer do or achieve.

 

My father never considers himself old. In fact he still tries to compete with me in any sporting challenge. He gets up at 5.30 am three days a week to swim fifty lengths in his local swimming pool. He walks two miles on the days in between. He completes crosswords puzzles daily and keeps up with current affairs to keep his mind active. All this at the age of 77. He's a fit old b….r but I don't tell him. Don't want his head swelling any larger.

 

I'm thirty one years younger than my father (I'll let you do the maths). I play squash and exercise regularly striving hard to perform to the abilities and fitness levels that I managed in my early 20s. I don't see myself any different to the way I was then.

 

I reiterate, it is about attitude and mind set that counts. If you believe you're still young at heart the body will try to keep up.

 

Terry Norrington

 

www.getselfconfident.com  

 

  

 

I will start by saying that the people in this blog about self confidence are real people but I have changed names to protect identities.

 

Michael and Miriam are good friends. Miriam and my wife Tonya originally got to know each other through a mother and toddler group. Eventually, as couples we started to host dinner parties for each other and Michael and I established a great friendship.

 

Both have extremely good jobs. Miriam works as an architect. Being as she works from home she is able to combine her career with looking after the children. Michael is a builder. An extremely good one at that. He knows building regulations like the back of his hand but also he knows how to make money. The guy oozes self confidence. I'm not sure that he has ever read any books or articles on self confidence techniques but he naturally seems to apply these techniques and never seems to have a problem with self esteem.

 

They live in a converted barn which obviously Michael oversaw the conversion works. They drive luxury 4 x 4 cars and have all the good things in life. The position they are in was created during the years of boom in the property market. Always in the right position at the right time, Michael and Miriam seem to have that Midas touch; everything they touch turns to gold.

 

Michael helped us when we had an extension built onto our house and also through him I was able to develop contacts for work. They are extremely positive people to be around and their success seems to rub off on us.

 

We also have some friends Simon and Mandy. Simon is a family friend of mine, so I have known him for many years. Simon and Mandy had their first child before marrying and Mandy's parents particularly weren't over struck on the union, well not at first. They have been together now for well over twenty years, living in council and housing association accommodation in all that time. Over those years they had three children, all at various points giving them stress and heartache. Mandy particularly has suffered badly with ill health, in the past suffering from a stroke and at present overcoming throat cancer. She is still only 43.

 

Simon works for the council as a refuse collector, Mandy as a care worker doing in excess of 60 hours per week just to make ends meet. Their life together has not been at all easy, yet they never complain, even throughout the seemingly endless health scares.

 

When reading many of the self help, self confidence and how to be successful type books, they will state that we should surround ourselves with successful people. People with money that give off vibrations of success and self confidence. Constantly being enveloped by such people will mean that inevitably such positive attitudes will rub off on us. We can network to develop business contacts and we can pick their brains to find out the secrets of success.

 

We shouldn't surround ourselves with unsuccessful, negative people. This is likely to de-motivate us. By not having successful people to look up to, we do not have role models to follow.

 

This is what the books say.

 

So, going by what the books say, which of the couples should I surround myself with, Michael and Miriam or Simon and Mandy?

 

According to what the books say, which couple should I avoid, Michael and Miriam or Simon and Mandy?

 

This is what I say. I will NOT drop either. Yes, for all the reasons the books say, Michael and Miriam are good to be around. But that is not the reason my wife and I remain friends with them. Michael and Miriam are decent folk with decent principles and damn good company.

 

And equally, if not more so, Simon and Mandy. This couple are honest and hardworking. We may not go to the swankiest restaurants with them but wherever we are, they are always a joy to be with. I certainly hope that any positive vibrations I am able to generate will rub off on them too.

 

I will not be giving up on any of my friends despite what the books say.

 

Terry Norrington

 

www.getselfconfident.com

 

Self-confidence is a belief that we can perform a task. We maybe extremely comfortable performing thousands of tasks having the self-confidence from tackling these tasks on a daily basis. We believe we can do them. But self-confidence forms just a part of our subconscious belief system.

 

Our belief system holds all that we believe to be true whether rational or irrational. Our belief in God, our ideas about other people, races and gender and our beliefs about ourselves.

 

We've all probably heard of women who believe that all men are cheats, never to be trusted to be faithful and monogamous. It is a part of their subconscious belief system and consequently they find it difficult to form any lasting, meaningful relationship.

 

Believing all people of a certain ethnic group are nothing but trouble will taint any form of contact with people from that culture, never seeing the qualities of each individual.

 

These beliefs boil down to being opinions, solid ideas rooted in the subconscious mind that no matter their foundation will guide our actions and reactions. Beliefs get stronger with evidence that back them up, and we often search for the proof that supports our beliefs. Beliefs can be weakened by contradiction and under certain circumstances can be completely destroyed. Brainwashing and propaganda are extreme examples.

 

Where do our beliefs come from?

 

Our conscious minds filter out ideas, allowing what is rational to form in our subconscious. But these conscious filters can be by-passed allowing some ideas to form in our belief system even when irrational.

 

So how can ideas by-pass the conscious filters to reach the subconscious level?

 

Firstly, when an idea comes from someone we trust. As children we trusted our parents. We trusted their ideas. When we were told that the pet that wandered around the house was a cat, we believed them. This was supported by the fact that everybody else called it a cat, so the idea became a strong belief. If the same parents told us we were stupid and useless, this opinion would seek its way to our subconscious mind. Constant confirmation that we were no good coming from our parents would entrench the idea firmly in the subconscious mind, forming a strongly held, negative belief about ourselves. Any time we found somebody rejecting or ignoring us, we used this as evidence to support our poor image of ourselves.

 

Secondly, when we are hypnotised our conscious filters are muted. This allows suggestions to pass directly to the subconscious mind; the basis of which hypnotherapy is formed.

 

Lastly, when our conscious minds are captivated by something that captures our full attention. This makes us highly receptive to suggestions. When TV companies have their commercial brakes during the middle of a football game, the conscious mind is so engrossed in the final outcome of the game that the messages delivered by the advertiser are being received by the subconscious mind.

 

Beliefs can greatly affect our lives. False beliefs can become fulfilling prophecies. Believing we will always be poor because we couldn't possibly be good at running a business will result in us always being poor. We don't have the motivation to try and this in turn upholds our belief.

 

False beliefs need to be challenged and contradicted. If we want to believe we can be a success but don't yet truly believe it, we need to find the evidence that contradicts the belief that we are doomed to failure. Celebrate all successes, how ever small, and this will provide added motivation and impetus to destroy the negative self belief.

 

Terry Norrington

 

www.getselfconfident.com

 

 

 

 

 

What do we want to be successful for?

 

Waking up in the morning feeling great, feeling in control, feeling victorious.

 

Who wants that?

 

It gives you energy, then that means you have to get involved with things to burn that energy off. It would mean we'd have to be constructive and make positive contributions to the world, have things in life we really want.

 

Is that really how we want our lives to be?

 

Do we rally want loads of friends, a happy family with laughing children around our feet?

 

Isn't it better to have false beliefs?

 

At least with false beliefs we can limit our potential, limit our abilities. If we really can't have happiness and success we can wallow in our misery, not have to live up to expectations, watching everybody else have what they want knowing we couldn't possibly have that.

 

External influences. This is a great one. We can blame other things, other people for us not making our lives better. Yes, then that takes the pressure off and we can then live with our consciences because it wasn't our fault. It wasn't our fault the exam board set the exams so hard that we failed. Yeh, forget the fact we couldn't be bothered to revise.

 

No perseverance.

 

How does the saying go?

 

"If at first you don't succeed, give up".  Sounds like a good motto to live our lives by to me.

 

Why should we be bothered to exhaust all avenues to live our dream?

 

That sounds to much like hard work to me. If we fall over and hurt ourselves that's a good enough reason to give up, isn't it?

 

Be flexible?

 

Why?

 

If something doesn't work, surely there isn't another method to get the same result. That means being adaptable, having to think a little deeper, study a bit harder to find away around obstacles. We might have to start talking to people to see if they have solutions, and find out what they might think. We know what they will think. They will think we are stupid.

 

It isn't worth it is it?

 

Then there's the bit about planning, setting goals. Look, if we don't plan to get ahead, well, somebody else will. If we don't plan to get that highly paid job, somebody else will. If we don't plan to get that fantastic house, somebody else will. We don't want to set goals. That might put pressure on us to achieve them.

 

No it's much better not to plan, isn't it?

 

Self-confidence. Wow now, surely we're better off being the shy one. All said and done, we're protected if we live up to our belief that we cannot do it. Our feelings are protected. Let's face it, if we start taking risks we're only going to fail.

 

And then what will people think?

 

No, it's much more comfortable to have no self-confidence. If we want self-confidence we need to practice all that self-confidence stuff, and we might feel inclined to get off our backsides and get on with things.

 

Besides we're frightened. We're frightened of stepping into the dark. We don't know every step to take even if God is there to show us the way.

 

And what if we do become successful?

 

How do we handle success?

 

We're only used to failure aren't we chaps? ….. Chaps……Hello…..Where are you?