I got a nice surprise in my email the other day. My youngest daughter Shannon is spending the summer with her Daddy, and he sent me some pictures of her by his pool. She looks like she's having a great time. She's been gone since the last week in June and won't be back until the second week in September. I really miss her, and yet, I'm extremely happy for her when she goes on her yearly adventure to Ontario to be with her Dad. It's good for them to be together; this brief but essential time of all-important connection enriches and benefits them both immeasurably but that's not what makes it so important to me that it happens. The very fact she is able to make this journey at all fills me with wonder. To me, her annual pilgrimage is vastly symbolic of the Shannon's incredible accomplishments, a life-time of small, steady and significant miracles I am every grateful for and never take for granted.
Years ago it's something I desperately hoped for, but hardly dared believe could ever be possible. She's come so far in 19 short years.
I'll probably be writing about Shannon a lot. Not only is she the light of my life, but she's been my greatest inspiration and teacher on this journey we're taking together. Through the years of trying to penetrate the barriers between us, comprehend her interior universe and learn to communicate with her she's caused me to examine many of my preconceived notions about reality, meaning, perception and consciousness itself. She's also enabled me to discover an amazing inner wellspring of patience, tolerance and understanding I never dreamt I possessed.
Because of her I've become a pretty cool person. But then, she has that effect on a lot of people. It's only one of the many things that make her so special and infinitely precious.
Shannon is a high-functioning autistic. If you met her, you'd know immediately she is 'different'; as she's grown the classic autistic mannerisms and behaviours barely noticeable when she was a toddler have become discernibly more pronounced. To me, the way she behaves is perfectly natural and normal, all a part of what makes her 'Shannon', but yeah, if you were to pass us walking together on the street, she'd draw your attention.
Her 'otherness' to the outside observer was brought home to me one sunny afternoon. Shannon, one of my sisters and me took a day trip to Vancouver and were strolling through Gas Town. I was walking along, enjoying the sights, chatting with my sister, when I suddenly realized Shannon and I were alone and I was talking to myself. Judy was behind us; she'd stopped walking, and was glaring daggers at a couple of the passers-by. A bit puzzled, I waited for her to catch us up, and when she at last rejoined us she was muttering darkly and still glaring behind her.
Understandably I asked her what was up, what had upset her so, and her response knocked me for a total loop.
Stupid people, staring at Shannon and talking about her like that. They should mind their own damned business."
Or words to that effect, it was a few years ago, more than long enough for my long-term memory to fall down a bit in the verbatim department. I might not have her reaction recorded word for word, but I sure enough remember how upset she was, and why, however, what had ticked her off had quite the opposite effect on me.
Strange as it might seem, Judy informing me I had completely failed to notice my daughter being gawked at and unkindly gossiped about in broad daylight on a crowded city street was for me, in that instant, a revelation, and a moment to celebrate a quiet personal victory.
Intellectually I know Shannon's behaviour is 'different'; she can't help but draw attention. I'm sure she does, everywhere we go, but here's the real cool thing…
What I hadn't realized is I no longer see it! I didn't know that; up until that moment I was completely unaware I am utterly oblivious to any negativity directed at us by people who don't know Shannon and pass unkind judgement upon her because of something that isn't her fault and she cannot control. Seeing Judy's reaction, the anger and outrage for Shannon's sake she experienced during her small exposure to the kind of public censure and at times outright hostility Shannon and I used to routinely undergo when she was much smaller, well, it took me back, very briefly, to less happier times. But in a good way, because thanks to Judy I was shown Shannon isn't the only one who's come a long way.
I've done some growing too, in the interim. So it would seem. Who knew?
My Shannon is my world, and if people stop and stare, so what. I don't care, I don't even see them. Go me, and go Shannon, and if you've got a problem with us, well, that's your problem.
This is where I am now, and it's a great place to be, but it hasn't always been this effortless and easy. And on that revelation hangs another tale.
More on judging and why you really shouldn't to follow.
There but for the grace of God...
Phoenix
