Have you ever loved another whilst they didn't love you?
It can be one of the most painful feelings to experience.
So much so, that some have felt they were dying with the pain.
It can get the better of your mind when the one you choose does not choose you.
For some, it takes a very long time to get over. For others, a shorter period.
Why do you think this is?
I ask this because I have often wondered why it appears our heart is breaking, when our love is not returned. It certainly isn't logical, as although we connect love with our heart, it's actually formed in our mind.
I became so inquisitive, that I came to understand the source of love from the works of Dr John Demartini. We become stimulated by the effects another has on our senses. A connection to another through our desires and needs.
We may desire a characteristic we do not have but want.
We may need a partner that shares our own likes.
The feeling of love is born in our mind and is felt in our body, in our heart, through all of our nerve endings, just like electricity. And because we have many varied needs and desires in a partner, we will attract and be attracted in varied ways.
Some will be attracted by another's mind. Liking that person's ideas, humour and stimulating conversation.
Others will find that they connect initially from a heartwarming affection, respect and feeling comfortable and safe.
Then there are those who are instantly and sexually attracted to each other, with excitement and tingling lust bursting forth.
Complications can be faced when two people do not feel the same! If one's feelings aren't mirrored, the 'relationship' can be imbalanced.
For example you can lust after somone who only likes you, or love someone who is only capable of lust.
The verbally communicated expectations from one to another, will exacerbate the situation if there is no mutual respect present, and pain from heartbreak can ensue!
A love or longing not returned by another can indeed be one of the most painful feelings, and I do believe that at some point during our lives, all of us will experience it in some form or another.
And still, we seek love!
It is one of the main reasons I believe, that we are here on earth. To love, to cherish, to respect, and to connect, so we can procreate and build harmonious communities.
It doesn't always work out for some. It can work out first time for others!
What matters, is that we learn from our experiences. That we continue to seek love and build beautiful relationships.
If someone is spurned, do they really have the need or the right to take it out on the other? It is simply a matter of connection. It may well not be there with some people we desire. It's not their fault, it is just that way.
I hear about members of both sexes rubbishing the other sex, saying they are all bad, and this simply isn't true! It's so obvious, because there are true, enduring relationships already in existence. Just look around. It's impactful when we see signs of love, and could be encouraging for those that desire a relationship.
I had an experience myself of unrequited love, a long while ago. Yes it was painful. Yes it lasted a long time, and yes, I got over it! I had the love and respect of my wonderful Parents who let me grieve, and then gently prodded me to move on. I never tagged all men with a horrid label, I simply understood that he wasn't the one for me.
I didn't go looking for someone to replace him either. I simply looked for fun and happiness, and me. I know I lost touch with who I was, during this painful period, and when I was ready to move on, I did.
I know that I make this sound so logical and simple here. Well, I only have a brief moment to put my findings across to you. Yet I do know that unrequited love is very much logical, if we can see past the immediate pain.
Love always helps us to heal and in this instance, I will always recommend that we look to connect with another love existing around us that will heal us and help us through our trying times.
For me it was my Parents' love. For others it could be friendships with wonderful, loving people. There may even be the love we feel for and from our pets. In all cases, it turns out that unbeknownst to us (at the time) it is our love for ourselves that eventually comes to the fore and provides the healing.
If you are going through an experience similar to what I have been discussing here, I urge you to have a conversation with yourself. Ask yourself whether the person on the receiving end of your affections is exactly right for you! If they were, they would surely see you in the same light as you see them?! Isn't this what you would prefer? We cannot make people love us! There are so many people in this world seeking a love that fulfills them, just like you. We are not alone in our desire to find 'the one'.
Let's all be honorable with our love and our desires, and not resentful. There is someone for each of us, with the qualities we desire. Allow that perfect person to walk into your life, by being the best person you can be.
Make a list of the qualities you would like in your perfect person, and adopt these characteristics for yourself. You will attract people based on who you are being.
Go for it! Make the world a happier place for YOU!
BE the change you desire to see in the world....
BE the person you desire to attract.....
Love all others.....with the love you would like for yourself....
Love yourself....
If love is really what you want!
Love will then find you!
I do hope you have found this useful. I speak only from a loving heart and mind, and I send you love and respect for choosing to live a life with love in it!
Until the next time, be patient, loving and kind.
Andrea Nicole Smart
