Life Lessons

7 Surprisingly Quick And Easy Ways To Feel Happier

2008-11-27T00:28:00.000-08:00

All of us have days when we're out of sorts. You just wish you were in a better mood. You've had days like that, haven't you? Perhaps you tried to get yourself into a better state of mind but struggled to achieve it.

Sometimes we get stuck in our own emotional dumps and forget how easy it is to feel happier, so here are seven simple ways to lift your mood. Many people have found them useful. Some of them may surprise you!

1. Go for a walk.

Most people know that going for a short daily walk is one of the best forms of exercise. When you are feeling down it is even more beneficial. If you can, go into a natural environment with plants and birds. Can you think of such a setting not? What do you notice first? The different shades of greenery, the fresh smell of country air, the sounds of birds, or the sunlight shining through the trees? Make it real by taking a short stroll.

2. Listen to quality music.

Music can shift a listener's state within moments. It's effect can be nearly magical. Dig out that CD you haven't listened to in ages or tune in your radio to something you've never listened to before.

3. Open yourself to discovering something new.

Read something (printed, not on line) different than what you would normally watch. There are a ton of different types of magazines can you get these days. Visit your local library or browse through a magazine rack. Pick up or buy a magazine you wouldn't normally buy. You may discover something wonderful.

4. Find something to laugh at.

Laughter is one of the best ways to lift your spirits. Find a humorous book, or watch a comedy. Even better, try to learn a few new jokes and tell them to others.

5. Simple breathing meditation.

Breathing meditation is a great exercise that you can do anywhere. Simply allow yourself to sit comfortably with your back straight. Now close your eyes and become aware of the flow of air into and out of your nostrils. That's all there is to it. Do this for 10-15 minutes. Notice how pleasantly surprised you can be at how you feel afterward.

6. Doodling for the fun of it.

Most people can remember when they were young and used to doodle for hours. Kids love drawing silly little pictures. Drawing is not just for kids or artists. Whoever you are get some pens, pencils, crayons or whatever you have and just draw for the fun of it. Notice how your state of mind shifts.

7. Think of others less fortunate.

The fact that you are reading this article suggests that you are probably much better off than most people on this planet. At times this may be hard to believe, but if you can read and have access to the internet, just those two things alone means you are better off than most people in the world. There are many human beings that barely have access to the basics of survival. There are people in lots of pain. Allow your compassion for them to grow.

These are all pretty simple. There's nothing profound or life changing, but when all you need is a quick pick me up these may be just the thing you need. Putting simple ideas, methods, tools and techniques into action will help you achieve change more quick and easily--surprisingly so at time-- than you imagine.

Persevere - Never Give Up

2008-09-12T11:04:00.000-07:00

I mentioned in one of my earlier posts that my avocation is as an artist. I also told you that I've never recieved any formal training in art or painting. None the less with each painting I do each gets a little better than the last. I've even enjoyed that feeling of pride and accomplishment when someone felt my work good enough to acctually pay for it. I know without a doubt that I'll be painting until I can no longer hold a brush in my hand. And I know that one day I will fulfill my life long dream of my art being my means of sustenance.

I feel myself to be very fortunate to be constantly moving in that direction. Because of that consistant need that I have to be an artist, and the fact that I regularly get better at it, I know that anyone can do anything that they truly desire to do. There is no doubt in my mind - I Know It!

There are so many examples that one can look to that even more dramaticly illustrate this fact. Pick up any book on some of the greatest leaders, inventors, and thinkers of the world through out time, and you'll find example after example. Thomas Edison, Henry Ford, Bill Gates, Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King, Ghandi. The list of these kinds of people, men and women, goes on and on.

I'm not comparing myself with any of these great people by any means, but would say that they demonstrate an ability that exists in everyone of us, however great or small our individual accomplishments may be. That is, of course, the ability to do what ever it is that we believe we can do, or to be whom ever it is that we want to be!

Many were ridiculed, villifed, scoffed at, or endured "failure" after "failure" on the road to achieving success, or achieving their goal. Some never lived to see the results of their success or efforts. Despite that, they never bowed to defeat, or denied their unbending faith in who and what they were.

As I was preparing to write this I, as I do on occasion, picked up my bible and asked God to lead me as to what to write about. I randomly opened the bible with my eyes closed, and placed my finger on the page. Opening my eyes, I read this line from Matthew 27 verse 30. "And they spit on Him, and took the reed, and smote Him on the head."

This was just after Jesus was scourged, and the soldiers were mocking Him and about to cast lots for His clothes. Well, I thought, "God, why did you choose this, what am I to write about this?" I was hoping, of course for something a little easier; something I "knew" about. I almost chose not to write about it, but changed my mind.

I realized that this was the epitomy of the example of faith and knowing that I am writing about. Christ has just been beaten to the point of death, he has been mocked and humiliated, and he is about to be nailed to the cross and face His death. He doesn't Believe , that He's the Son of God - He Knows that He's the Son of God! He doesn't Think or Beleive that He'll sit at the right hand of God, He Knows It.

It is this same knowing that has led many people to great hieghts, and given them the fortitude to persevere in spite of all obstacles. This is the same knowing that is inately in each one of us, we simply need to find it, beleive it and use it in our lives. That's why I titled this Persevere - Never Give Up. You may not feel that you have this ability, you may have tried and failed, you may in fact have given up. I would ask that you give it another try, and another, and another, and yet another. Keep trying; never give up.

What ever you may be struggleing with, whether it's your faith, your carreer, any aspect of your life at all - Seek and you shall find. Ask and it will be answered. Knock and the door will be opened. Keep seeking, asking, and knocking, and all will be given to you. But above all Know that you will recieve it!

Let me know your thoughts at wmallet1@gmail.com

The Joys of Solitude

2008-09-11T08:01:00.001-07:00

When was the last time you were alone, I mean really alone, with out distractions, noises, other people, or traffic to occupy your thoughts and senses. When did you last really get away from it all and withdraw to a place where you were "all alone" with only your thoughts to occupy your time? Most people find little time or inclination to seek out a place or time to be alone.

We seem to have this need to be doing something, going somewhere, and to constantly seek the companionship of other people. It's as if we are truly afraid to be all by ourselves. Society seems to demand that we not be alone or to occupy ourselves too much in introspection. It's almost as if there's some stigma attached to the whole concept of solitude, that a person alone is somehow losing or missing something, or even dangerous.

The fact of the matter is that we need moments and times of solitude. One of the annual pleasures I enjoyed in New York was a fall hunting trip a friend and I made every year to the Adirondak Mountains. (Lest I alarm anyone, we never shot anything, but it was our reason for this sojourn to the wilderness.) We drove the 200+ miles to a place called Long Lake, backpacked 3-4 miles into the woods and set up camp for a week.

During the entire week we were there we never saw another human, heard any traffic, or anything else that would remind us that others existed. We didn't take a radio, cell phone, or any other means of contact with the rest of the world. We pitched our tent, and after the first day we were sufficiently innured from the "outside world" that we could truly relax. Once you are 4 miles removed from all the trappings of society you hear sounds that you never paid attention to before - you don't need the clamor of society to realize and appreciate that you're alive.

We would have breakfast in the morning and my buddy, who loved to hike, would strike off for the day. I more prefered to find a clearing, pick a comfortable place to sit, and stay in one spot for a couple of hours. For the larger part of each day we were each of us as alone as you can get. I spent my time reflecting on various things, and enjoying the sounds and sights of nature around me, inevitably being truly thankful for this respite from the rest of life.

One of the things that I grew to appreciate was the fact that even in my solitude, I came to know that I was never all alone - God was with me in every step I took. It was a palpable presence, and I could hear His whispers in the wind, the rustle of leaves, or a chipmunk scampering by, unbothered by my presence. Even in the dark, once the campfire had died down, I knew He was there speaking to me if I had the ears to listen. It brought to me a blissful sence of peace and gratitude.

We haven't taken that annual trip for a good number of years now, and while I miss it, I have found other ways and means to find and enjoy moments of solitude. I've also learned that you needn't travel 300 miles and hike into the wilderness to do so, although I would highly reccomend it. I can now enjoy solitude by meditating for even 20 minutes during the day. I have learned to shut out the distractions for this little bit of time in order to be truly alone and to contemplate the universe in all it's wonder.

We always returned from these trips refreshed, rejuvinated, and somehow a little different for having had the luxury of getting away. My outlook was always more optimistic, hopeful and appreciative. I also, more importantly, felt a closer kinship with God and the world. If you feel stressed, unsatisfied, or just exhausted from your day to day life, consider finding a place and time to enjoy even a few little moments of solitude. Doing so could bring to to you that same sence of quietude that promises peace in all you do.

Our "Inner" Mind

2008-09-08T13:27:00.001-07:00

Have you ever had an experience where something just "clicked", and you thought, "I knew that!", or it just makes sense with other things you know? I had one yesterday, as I was watching the PBS fundraiser on our local station. Their featured "premium" supplier was Dr. Daniel G. Aman, who authored the book "Change Your Brain, Change Yor Life". He essentially writes regarding the functioning of the brain as measured by a "Single Photon Emission Computerized Tomography" image, or SPECT image.

This picture of the brain shows the functioning of the brain as a result of blood flow and other measures, as opposed to a picture of the brain that shows it's structure as in a CAT scan. Dr. Aman is a neuroscientist, a psychiatrist, and a nationally recognized expert on the relationship of the brain and behavior. Certain qualities of the SPECT images can be indicative of certain disorders such as Attention Deficit Disorder, Alzhiemers Disease, substance addiction, etc.

In other words, if a person suffers from ADD their brain will display certain characteristics in the SPECT image, while a cocaine addicts will look differently. Again, this is all a measure of the functioning of the different areas of the brain and is strictly a measurement tool. What Dr. Amans claims, is that if you treat your brain differently, physically, it will function differently, and more healthfuly. As with my recent post regarding physics, and the science that that field presents, this argument also makes perfect sense.

So, to the "I knew that!", moment. One of the things that he discussed was what he calls "Automatic Negative Thoughts", or ANTS. What he said was that you don't have to accept these thoughts, you can question them. "Do you believe this is true?"; "Is this a fact?", "How do you know this?", and so on.

This clicked because I recently read a book by Don Miguel Ruiz titled "The Voice of Knowledge", a Toltec wisdom book. In his book Mr. Ruiz discusses how we are all the writers, directors, and stars, of our own stories. From birth we have been taught, by others, what is right, wrong, good, bad, etc. He says, essentially, that at some point we have to question this knowledge that we have accumulated, and decide what is truth, what our story is, and then take responsibility for our own authorship.

Both men are saying the same thing, we need to ask ourselves questions about who, and what, we are. We need to, and can be, the creators of our existance. And it all has to do with the "mind". Which brings us back to, what is our mind; who is the who that is asking these questions? Dr. Aman can certainly point to the "functioning" of the brain and certain identifiable traits based on how it looks. But that doesn't get to the deeper question of where our thoughts, emotions, and beings are, or where they come from.

Medical technology, as we know it today, simply can't point to where that is, where it exists physically. I beleive that is because we can't pinpoint the spiritual side of our existance, the "who" that we are. Our senses are not developed, nor is our technology, to the point of being able to do so. The best we can do at this point is "sense" our spiritual nature and being. We can glimpse it "through a veil." We can experience it through our faith.

With that in mind it is my hope that you go through lifes journey as a seeker, always asking, never tiring, and finding joy along the way. Let me know your thoughts at wmallet1@gmail.com

Gratitude In The Face of Adversity

2008-09-08T11:44:00.000-07:00

As I sit down to write this post we are preparing for Tropical Storm Hanna, which should arrive sometime this evening. (9/5/08) It has already started to rain, and it is anticipated that the rains will be quite heavy at times, combined with heavy winds, etc. We have already shopped for all of the essentials, including extra batteries and canned foods in case we lose power. We are perhaps a little over cautious, but having survived Hurricane Isabel in 2003 we feel it's better to err on the side of caution.

Having come from New York to North Carolina, it was our first experience with a hurricane, and we were suitibly humbled by the experience. Isabel made landfall a little south and west of Edenton and was a category 3 storm when it hit. By the time it reached our home it had subsided to a category 2. I can't imagine the strength of a more powerful storm. We were lucky, in part, because it hit during the day. We had been told that they usually hit at night.

As we huddled at our kitchen table and listened to the winds, we were at least able to look out the windows on ocassion, and see that the world was still around us. I was convinced of the awesome power of those winds when I looked out one time and saw a pine tree in our front yard snapped in two about 6' off the ground. This was a massive tree. with a trunk about 5' in diameter, and it had stood about 30' - 40' in the air. And there it was like a twig, broken in two, and we hadn't even heard it because of the deafening winds.

Well, we spent just about the entire day like that, listening to our battery powered radio - we lost power very early on in the day - and hearing what sounded like rocks hitting our roof (pine cones), and then the sound of shingles popping off the roof, literaly sucked off by the winds. By the time it all calmed down it was too late to venture out, as the entire town was without power. The following morning broke clear and sunny and we were able to survey the damage.

We had lost a couple of trees, and later had to take a couple more down. We had lost quite a few shingles from the roof, but it was intact with no stuctural damage. Our home is high enough in elevation that we had no flooding, but we lost our water to the house during the course of the day. The tempertures rose, we had no power, couldn't take a shower, and couldn't cook on our electric stove. Completely uncomfortable, and with the task of cleaning all of the debris in the yard the next day, we called it quit's for the day. (As the General Manager of the cable company at the time, I of course worked a 12-14 hour day there to begin the process of restoring the cable system.)

In the midst of all of this we had, and found, plenty to be grateful for. We cooked a can of Chef Boyardee Ravioli on the patio grill for supper, and I have to tell you that it tasted better than a steak that night. We stepped outside later to a clear cloudless night, and with no street or house lights, we had the clearest view of the stars I've ever seen; you could actually see the bands of the Milky Way. This view was much better than any television show we might have been tempted to watch had we had electricity.

Our son came down from New York to spend some time and to give us a hand with the clean up around the house. We enjoyed, and were grateful, for his help and his company. With no power we sat around, talked, played cards, and just generally enjoyed each others company at the end of the day.

Even with trees coming down, leaning, losing branches, etc. we sustaind no serious damage to the house except for the shingleing. Our water service was restored after about a week and a half, and everyone enjoyed their first shower in that same time. We had sponge bathed of course, but a shower now seemed a luxury, and we were grateful. Our electricity was restored shortly before that and we could now cook a complete meal.

While several homes in the area sustained major damage, the community was amazed that there hadn't been more, and with the exception of one storm related death, there were no serious injuries sustained by antone. This included the massive numbers of electrical contractors, tree crews, and roofers who responded to the needs of the area and it's homeowners.

So, even in the face of all of this tumult, destruction and cayous, there were plenty of reasons to be grateful. Of all of those I think I was most grateful for that first simple meal of ravioli and the quiet, and peacefulness of that first evening after the storm. It reminded me that even after a profound demonstration of natures power, there was a purpose and a sense of the marvelous in all of our lives, and above all, a reason to be grateful.

I hope you discover, and enjoy an ability to be grateful for all that you are given.

Belief or Disbelief?

2008-09-03T10:13:00.001-07:00

I was blessed with a visit from my daughter Karen, her husband Dave, and my wonderful grandchildren Michael and Sydney over the Labor Day weekend. It is always a joy because the grand children bring back to mind the wonderful innocence of childhood, and offer a refreshing perspective that is all too easy to forget as one gets older. We got to get caught up with Karen and Dave, and their busy lives, and I had the opportunity to be the doting grand father.

Sydney and I got to play a "game" I have been playing with both children since they were both about 4 or 5. I reach behind thier ear, or knee. or some other likely spot such as thier ankle. Then I wriggle and tug a little bit, pull with all my might, and wrest out a quarter, nickle, or dime, that's been growing there since we were last together. It still always evokes a sense of wonder and glee from Sydney. Michael has stopped playing for about a year or so now. He doesn't beleive in the "magic" of it anymore.

He has stopped suspending his disbelief. It started with the suspision that grandpa was pulling a fast one on him and couldn't really pull a quarter from behind his ear, but he was able, for a little while, to suspend that disbelief and enjoy the game for a while longer. Sydney has not yet "learned" to question or disbeleive in the possibilty for magic to occur. She is just as gleeful and happy as when I first did it. The amazing thing is that it's not about the money. She left it sitting on the kitchen counter when they left. I hope it lasts.

We all, at one time or another, have suspended our disbelief, if only for a little while. We go to a movie, see the "impossible", and don't question it. That's a part of the "magic" of movies. We discover, in that time, something we lost somewhere along the way. A little bit of pure innocence, the ability to beleive the impossible, and with it the potential for so much happiness. Each of us needs to habitually seek to suspend our disbelief, dare to dream, and recapture that part of ourself that may have been lost on our journey.

The second event of this past weekend was a follow up visit with my neuro surgeon. Having suffered with neck pain for a number of years I followed a reccomendation from my family doctor to visit a surgeon. He advised the removal of two ruptured discs and the fusion of three vertabrae. I accepted his advise and underwent the surgery on July 11th. I was to have quit smoking 30 days prior to having the surgery, but didn't quite make that goal. Apparently the nicotene impedes the growth of bone and could lead the graft to fail and not fuse properly.

Upon release from the hospital the doctor reiterated the potential dire consequences should I continue to smoke. I gave it a valient effort but haven't yet reached the point of quitting entirely. I did however, curtail my usage quite a bit, and do have the goal of being completely nicotine free. Well, my follow up visit went great!!! I no longer need to wear a neck brace to stableize my neck; I can drive again, and go back to work. The doctor even told me that I was much further along than most patients at this point of recovery. I was, to say the least, ecstatic! I had been, for the most part, confined to the house since July 11th, and now I'm free.

I credit this recovery to several factors, one of which is attitude. When I first asked the doctor about recovery duration he told me a lot of that had to do with me. How I managed my expectations, or my attitude. All through this I have been optimistic, even in the face of not having quit smoking. I visualized the bones growing in my body, "seeing" the two different bones merging into one. The other factor was my belief that I would heal well. I envisioned myself going to the doctor and him telling me that he was amazed at how well I was healing. Not far removed from what he acctually said!

This experience has served to reinforce my already strong belief that anyone can do anything that he or she believes they can, if they allow that belief to form and grow into reality. I would not suggest that one should ignore their doctors advise, and go willy nilly about life. But I would tell you that what you beleive has, or can have, a profound effect on the outcome you are seeking.

So, on occasion, suspend your disbelief to rediscover the wonderful simplicity of innocence, and on the other hand, beleive in all of the potential that you have and the ability that you have, today, to choose the outcomes you desire!!!

Limitless Potential - Part two

2008-09-03T09:30:00.001-07:00

I apologize for the delay in posting here over the last couple of days, but I had a couple of events that precluded my dedicating the proper time to do so. One was a visit from my daughter and family, and the other was a visit to the doctor, both of which I will tell you about separately. Now to the remainder of Limitless Potential.

I closed with the question as to where our thoughts, emotions, and imaginations reside. A scientist might well tell you that they are contained in the depths of our brains, and they may be right to a certain degree. Our brains are a mass of neurons firing electrical impulses throughout our brains. These comprise, at least the conscious functioning of our bodies, our memories, and the control of our automatic bodily functions like heartbeat etc. I think that's completely comprehensible and makes perfect sense. But what of the idea that you didn't possess or process mentally until now? Where did it come from? Is it simply information that resided in those neurons until just this moment? Or is there another possibility?

This brings us back to a discussion of physics and the behavior of quantum materials. In "The Fabric of the Cosmos", Brian Greene tells about several experiments that demonstrate some remarkable properties of some of these particles. One such property is the ability of two particles to communicate, instantaneously, across the vast reaches of space, as well as the ability to traverse those spaces in the same manner. In "The Elegant Universe", he discusses the work of physicist Richard Feynman who theorizes that a photon traveling toward a phosphorescent screen, and passing through a slit in a screen that is in the path toward the phosphorescent screen, actually travels on all of the infinite possible paths, simultaneously, before hitting, and lighting a spot on the phosphorescent screen.

In "The Elegant Universe" he discusses String Theory and some of the properties of the quantum world. One of these is that there may not be just the three dimensions that we commonly think of when viewing the physical world. What has been theorized is that there may be as many as 10, 11, or 12 dimensions in our universe. These, again, exist at the quantum level.

So, what's in these other dimensions? What if I were to suggest that one of these dimensions could be the "spiritual" dimension I have alluded to? Does it seem possible or probable? What if those things we imagine, dream, hope for, actually reside at this level, and what again about potential? What I'm suggesting is that everything we can imagine or dream of exists already, in a limitless sea of potential. They can be brought to mind from wherever they are instantaneously, and manifested physically in our lives, by allowing the potential to grow and become reality. You may not become wealthy in a heartbeat, but you can set yourself on the path.

I dare you to hope, dream, and be bold in seeking those things that you desire!

Limitless Potential - Part Two

2008-09-03T08:51:00.001-07:00

I dare you to hope, dream, and be bold in seeking those things that you desire!

Limitless Potential - Part One

2008-08-28T08:47:00.001-07:00

One of the items I listed as a lesson learned is that we each have limitless potential. The fact is that we never deplete our potential. Potential is stored energy, if you will. Potential is something waiting to happen; at this moment, reading this, you have the same potential as you had the day you were born. As an organism you may be finite; as a soul you are infinite.

I have been a "student" of human behavior, self-improvement, spirituality, and life in general for not a few years now. I have read from the bible for a Christian perspective, books by Deepak Chopra, and the Dalai Lama. Thich Naht Hanh offers a wonderful Buddhist perspective on life, living, and death. I have read numerous books by Dr. Wayne Dyer, and other authors who claim no particular religious affiliation. These, and many others have helped clarify and set the foundation for my spiritual beliefs.

However, I have also been a student of physics, and have found nothing in that study to shake even my most tenuous spiritual thoughts. To the contrary, they have strengthened them and added a dimension that lends additional vibrancy to them. Physicist and author Brian Greene, in particular, has a wonderful talent for conveying complex physics theory in language a non-physicist can grasp and understand.

One of those, in particular, has to do with potential. At the quantum level of matter, at least, everything exists as potential, with multitudes of possibilities. Interestingly, a point of potential isn't realized except by being observed! The exact same moment that it is observed it materializes. It has "become", or occurred if you will. Further, it is the act of observation that affects the potential outcome. (More on that later)

So, what has all of this to do with our potentials, and are they truly limitless? Is there a difference in behavior between things at the quantum level and in reality, as we know it? This was brought to mind when I was pondering the 3 Omni's of God. His Omnipotence, Omnipresence, and Omniscience. I was pondering, in particular His Omnipresence. When I was younger I saw this as His being everywhere on earth at the same time, and it staggered my imagination.

What I've come to believe now is that, first of all, He is not only everywhere in the universe at the same time, but everywhere in Eternity at the same time. He is here, in the past, and in the future simultaneously. He encompasses all that is, was, and shall be. With that said, let me also say that the same may be true of us. We are still "present" in our past, we are obviously here now, but we are also there in the future - if even only as potential.

As spiritual beings, we have no end - we simply change. Here, in this life, we are seemingly confined to our human, material bodies. But what of our minds? Our thoughts, imaginations, and emotions, where are they? What about our spirit? At some level they must all be integrated so that we realize all of the potential that we have. More on that tomorrow.

Share your thoughts on this with me at wmallet1@gmail.com In the meantime I wish you well.

Lessons I've Learned

2008-08-26T14:01:00.001-07:00

I want to pause today and take a few moments to just relax while sharing a few of the lessons that I've learned. I hope you enjoy them - let me know if you have any similar lessons that you've learned. I'm at wmallet1@gmail.com

I'm not the smartest; best looking; best built man in the world - and it doesn't matter.

My children and grandchildren are perfect - and so are yours.

A dog is a mans best friend - if someone else walks him at night.

A baby has limitless potential, and so do I - each moment has the same potential as the last; potential is never lost.

Even if you try your hardest you may disappoint someone - but at least it won't be you.

It's better to listen than talk - my ears are more receptive than my mouth.

Stop worrying about what may happen, and enjoy what does.

You're never really lost - you've just taken a detour from where you thought you were going.

Don't seek perfection, even in yourself - you'll probably be disappointed.

Listen to children - they haven't learned too much yet.

Laugh a lot - especially at yourself; don't take yourself so seriously.

Give more than you take - you'll have less to carry around.

You don't have to try to fix everything - and you probably can't.

These are just a few of the many lessons from my life. I will write about some of them in the coming days. I wanted to close today with just a thought or two. I take this effort seriously, and am devoted to potentially adding something of value to your day. Along with the gravity of that effort I want to point to the need for us all to have fun, enjoy life, and treasure each moment. Life is not confined to all of our efforts and labors. We are meant to enjoy the fruits of those labors, have fun, laugh, and truly be at peace. Look for those times in all the moments of your life, and enjoy them.

See you tomorrow!!

Lessons Through Contemplation

2008-08-25T10:12:00.001-07:00

As we travel through this life we come to many crossroads in our quest for personal growth. We are faced with the need to make decisions regarding our direction, which will ultimately affect our mind, body, and soul. How can we wisely choose between the options presented to us? Since many of these decisions have the potential to change my life, perhaps dramatically, I would obviously prefer to make a well-considered choice.

One of the ways we learn is by experience. Past decisions may have caused pain and we want to avoid similar "bad" decisions, while another was rewarding and we would like to duplicate that experience. This is, in part, our physical reaction to the world. Then there are the emotional responses to pain and pleasure, which evoke similar reactions. These are much more subtle and at times harder to discern in regards to whether or not they were truly beneficial to us. An emotionally painful experience may have indeed led to our growth, and to have avoided it may have just delayed the inevitable.

What are we seeking as we travel through this life? Is it simply the avoidance of pain and the gathering of pleasure? What does that say of the soul? What about our spirituality, is that not a matter of self-discovery too? Our personal growth needs to be inclusive of all aspects of our being, with diligence applied to our whole being. How do we go about that? As I stated when I started two weeks ago, we need to periodically examine who and what we are, as well as where we are going.

This points to the need to ponder our experience and being. In other words, at times, we need to give our focused, dedicated, attention to considering where we've been and where it is that we are going. We need to meditate upon the lessons we've learned. The human mind includes all of the subconscious aspects of our being and behavior, and we need to tap into that aspect to help us discern the answers we seek. This vast storehouse of experience and intelligence can help us to bring about changes we desire in our lives. This may also be considered a way of "spiritual thinking".

I, for example, may contemplate the love of God. To do so I would focus my attention on a question such as, "How is the love of God demonstrated?" I would then think of all the ways I could that answer that question, and what they mean. In terms of my own spiritual growth I may contemplate whether or not my life reflects the love of God, or will a certain action I may take benefit or harm me, or someone else. When I wrote regarding wisdom, I stated that wisdom was, "having knowledge, understanding, experience, and intuitive understanding, along with the capacity to apply those qualities."

Contemplation helps in tapping into those aspects of our being, so that we can apply the lessons that we have and are learning. So take some time on occasion and learn the art of contemplation, and you will benefit greatly from the practice, and increase your potential in all aspects of your life. May you find peace and joy on your journey. If you would like to share any comments or suggestions, please feel free to e-mail me at wmallet1@gmail.com . I look forward to hearing from you!

Transformation- Part - Part 4 - Wisdom and Desire

2008-08-22T09:07:00.001-07:00

Desire

I took the day off yesterday in part to reflect on what I've written on transformation so far, but also to decide on a course to continue to some conclusion. With that said I'd like to back up a little bit. There needs to be a starting point to this whole process, and I think I kind of jumped over that. The question I left open I think is what leads one to transformations in his or her life.

The first, and most obvious, is the events of our lives. Something occurs that spontaneously results in some change in our way of being. I spoke of them in the addendum to part one. They are generally traumatic, or difficult events that occur to us, but they can also be joyous happy events, as in the birth of a child. In either case they may cause some fundamental change in our way of being. Another more gradual agent for change is desire.

I spoke in Part Two about passion, and the two are related. Desire though is a more subtle feeling. It is more of a longing and hoping for some particular outcome or thing. One may in fact result form the other. Let me explain:

When Billy died, I experienced one of those fundamental, traumatic transformations. I gained some realization of the fragility and impermanence of life. Who could conceive of their child dieing? However, as a result of that, I experienced a profound depression that seemed bottomless and unfathomable. This led to a pronounced increase in my intake of alcohol, and therefore increased depression. I reached the point where I didn't feel I could function any longer.

Here is where the desire came in. I longed and hoped for some change that would alleviate at least some measure of what I was feeling. I desired a change. This led to my involvement with a group focused on substance abuse, a lessened dependence on alcohol, a decrease in my depression, and ultimately, a real transformation in my life as a whole. I found a means to start healing.

Wisdom

When I was much younger than I am today, one of the things I used to pray to God for was wisdom. This started for me when I was about 13 or 14. At that point in my life, as I am sure is the case for many teenagers, I felt that my father, at the very least, was not a wise man. That is not to say he wasn't intelligent but that he didn't impart to me some of the things I thought that he ought to. He wasn't a loving person, and certainly wasn't an inspiration to me. He didn't strive to teach me anything except at the expense of my pride, or with a slap, or demeaning remark. I wanted to be nothing like him at all.

So what exactly was this thing "Wisdom" that I prayed to God for? Wikipedia defines wisdom as "having knowledge, understanding, experience, and intuitive understanding, along with the capacity to apply those qualities." So being intelligent is not necessarily synonymous with having wisdom. I wanted to see to the core of things, and use my intelligence, with compassion, for some larger purpose. Wisdom adds to ones character, in that it has the capacity to enable one to inspire others, and adds meaning to ones life. The keys, I think, are the intuitive understanding and capacity to apply that understanding.

So how do you become wise; how do you acquire wisdom? First let me warn you that this is a lifelong effort. You don't do one thing or another and wake up the next morning having attained wisdom. With that in mind, you have to seek it out; you have to become a life-long student. This learning includes not only the search for external knowledge, but also knowledge of oneself. Socrates said, "An unexamined life is not worth living."

"Wisdom is supreme, therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all get understanding." - Proverbs 4:7 I hope that on your journey through this life that you realize much joy and peace. I firmly believe that some of the aspects of transformation can help in that realization. Always look to increase not only your "intelligence", but also your capacity to love, and your desire to be better today than you were yesterday.

Transformation - Part Three - Authenticity

2008-08-20T09:58:00.001-07:00

Have you ever "gone along with the crowd" so that you wouldn't be left out? Have you ever agreed with a point of view simply in order to avoid a "disagreement"? I know I have. And I'm sure we've all heard about corporate "yes men" who agree in order to get ahead. They do what they perceive to be in their best interest at the time. Is there anything wrong with having done any of these things? What if no one was hurt, or there was no harm done. What if it didn't involve any illegality? Does the lack of any injury make any of these situations OK?

I know, and understand, that some of these things can be very situational, and that there may not necessarily be one hard, fast answer to such generalizations. Especially given these examples. But suppose that having agreed to something that you didn't really agree with, you felt less than genuine. Does that affect your overall happiness in life? Does it become easier to do the next time? Do you start to "go along to get along"?

When I was at home with my three brothers, my mother would fry up a whole chicken on certain occasions, and I've got to tell you it was good fried chicken. Anyway, when it came time to eat, my father, rightly so, got first pick as to the piece he wanted, and then the platter was passed around the table. Everyone then picked his or her favorite piece. Mine was the neck. It wasn't really, but somehow it became my favorite piece. Years later I told my Mother I hated the neck, and she asked me why I didn't say so. That was a very good question. There was certainly plenty to go around.

Being the tallest and biggest of my brothers at the time, I was always the "dumb" kid who was "all feet and no brains." I never did anything to dispel that image; it was easier to allow that perception to exist - at least at the time. My point is that we sometimes do, or say, or allow things simply because it's easier than the alternative, or at least we think it is. We don't want to rock the boat or we simply want to please someone else.

So what's missing here? Authenticity. I was not being my real, genuine self. I had leased out the real estate of my being to this other me. I had abdicated my real being. Have you ever done anything like this? Do you still do it on occasion? Do you feel at times you are living in someone else's body? This may be a reason to desire a transformation in your life, but how do you go about it?

You need first to be completely honest with yourself. Who are you? What do you believe in? On a scale of one to ten how happy are you? Conduct a simple survey of your life, and decide what it is that you truly want. We are all created by God and he didn't make a mistake with you or me. So the first step is to learn to like who you are, warts and all. He loves you just as you are, why can't you. The next step is to build your integrity. I'm not implying that you may not be honest, but you have to decide that in everything, especially with yourself, that your integrity will be unshaken.

Finally, get rid of fear as an operant in your life. You can't, won't, and shouldn't do things simply to please others or to have them like you. Remember, you're already likeable, and you have plenty of talent, and are a unique creation unlike anyone else. So, be the real deal, and change your life!

Transformation - Challenges

2008-08-20T08:47:00.001-07:00

So far I have discussed forgiveness and passion as two means of achieving a transformation in ones life. I would like to pause for a moment or two and comment on one of the difficulties in achieving a real change in ones life. When I go to the grocery store I am generally in the habit of buying certain brands of most things. For example I would buy French's Mustard, or Heinz Ketchup. I am in the same habit when Faith and I go to a restaurant for dinner. We had a favorite restaurant in New York called Rizzi's and I would always order the rigatoni bolognaise. Why do we so often habitually, and consistently choose the same things?

The biggest reason is that they are familiar; they are known quantities. We understand and are comfortable with what we'll get. We don't have to go into uncharted territory that may hold some "danger" for us. What if the alternative is not as good as our usual choice? What if we don't like it? Faith consistently reminds me - as my mother did - "You won't know if you'll like it or not unless you try it."

So, on more occasions, I will now try something a little different. More times than not, I have been pleasantly surprised. Nonetheless, it is sometimes difficult to make that choice. One thing I have found though, is that the more I'm willing to try something different, the easier it is the next time. Change sometimes comes in little steps - it's the first step that often requires the most effort.

The same is true with attempting to realize a real transformation in your life. If you don't have the desire or will you probably won't take that first step. If a happier, more content way of living is what you truly desire I hope you have, or find, the courage to take that first step.

Life Transformation - Part Two - Finding Passion

2008-08-19T08:18:00.001-07:00

How many years have you been in your present job? Five, ten, maybe longer? Do you enjoy what you do, or is it simply a means to an end? Many people labor for years in positions that hold little personal value to them but that pay the bills. They dread going to work and can't wait until the day ends. They "survive" their job in order to enjoy their life outside of work.

I started working when I was 14 years old picking fruit and vegetables for farmers in the summer. I didn't dislike the work but I would certainly rather have been doing something else. Going through my high school years and beyond I have held many positions from garbage collector to warehouse worker to maintenance worker, and the list goes on. (Faith has asked me if there were a job I hadn't done.) Until I was about 30 years old and started to work in the cable TV industry, the longest I held a job was about two years or less. I obviously wasn't "invested" in these positions; I didn't love what I was doing.

People devote the most time and energy to those things that they have a passion for. What is passion? It is one of the strongest, most powerful emotions that we humans can experience; an almost burning desire or attraction towards something, and it is not exclusively related with members of the opposite sex. Bill Gates has a passion for technology; he has devoted himself to the personal computer and associated technologies. Michael Phelps is passionate about swimming.

What sets passionate people apart from the rest of us? It's that burning desire to be, or do that one thing in their life that overshadows everything else. They are usually almost driven to do or be that one thing. They are totally immersed and invested in that one thing. One possible result of that passion is that they may end up being the best at that one thing, as in Michael Phelps case or Bill Gates. Does that mean that everyone that is passionate about something ends up the best, the most succesful, the richest? Of course not, but they probably enjoy it more regardless of fame or money.

In fact some of the most passionate people would be doing what they do even to the point of lacking many things in order to be involved with it. I think of the starving artist in this regard. A good number of artists whose works today sell for millions of dollars died without a penny to their name - but they were passionate about their art; they wold rather work on their art than eat. I will admit a certain affinity with the artist because while my vocation has been in business, my avocation has been oil painting, and still is.

Can anyone be passionate; find their avocation? Does it mean that they need to starve in order to consumate that passion? The answer is yes, you can find your passion, and no you needn't necessarily starve. So how do you go about it? I started drawing and doing art work at a very young age. I loved art class in high school, and even sent in one of those matchbook sketches. I was so disappointed when the salesman came to the house and my father said no, I couldn't do it. So I just continued to sketch; do drawings with pastels; then I discovered oil painting. I have not stopped since. I have always said that someday this is how I will make my living, and I will.

You need to recognize that one thing that really makes you happy. It could be anything - numbers, gardening, speaking to people, writing; whatever it may be. Then you need to decide, "Is this something that I would rather do than anything else?" If the answer is yes then you need to commit yourself physically and emotionally to doing so. Search for and find opportunities to practice your passion. Search for and find opportunities to get better at what you've decided to do.

Have patience; diligence, faith, and never give up. You may not make a fortune, but I gaurantee you will be happier and more content!

Transformation - Addendum

2008-08-18T10:28:00.001-07:00

I struggled with whether to write this post or not. This is difficult for me to write for a couple of reasons. Primarily because it will probably bear mentioning at some point in the future, so better to deal with it now than later, since it will be no less difficult then. It may even be more appropriate at this time given the topic of transformation.

Any of lifes lessons has the potential to be transforming, but none perhaps more so than the really difficult and painful ones. These difficult, painful lessons can actually cause one to go either way - toward growth and improvement or regressively toward destruction and more pain. The difference is how we choose to respond to them, or how we are led to respond to them. The truth remains though, that the positive potential resides in every lesson.

I mentioned in my biography that I have four children which is true. What I didn't mention was that two of them are deceased. I was blessed with two boys by my first wife. She and I were divorced when they were about 9 and 7 years old. By the time they were about 11 and 9 it was decided that they weren't willing to visit me any longer. I could have fought this decision legally but decided, for a variety of reasons, not to. So instead I stayed in touch as best I could sending birthday and Christmas gifts etc. I told myself that when they were ready they would ask to see me.

Billy, the oldest, reached out when he graduated from high school shortly before he commited suicide at 18. Chad moved to Arizona and contacted me about a year before his 26th birthday. He died in a car accident about a week after turning 26. Suffice it to say that I can't personally think of any more painful experience's in my life. Both times I was in the depths of despair but was pulled back, in part by my darling wife Faith.

So, what were the lessons I learned from these two horrific events? God was definitely working in my life. He made it so that I saw and enjoyed each of them while there was still time to do so, however brief it may have been. I learned how to love more; how can you not when you realize that a brief moment in time is all you may have. I definitely learned patience, and I also learned forgiveness because I had to forgive myself for the person I had been.

I am less fearful now, and more at ease with myself, however imperfect I may be. So, first of all, extend your love at every opportunity you may have. This can even be a silent affirmation to someone, or a kind gesture, each will be appreciated. Be patient - with yourself as well as others. We don't all learn and grow at the same pace - as my mother said "Your turn will come." Always be willing to forgive, even yourself.

Life Transformation - Part One

2008-08-18T08:49:00.001-07:00

Good Monday morning to everyone. I hope you had an enjoyable weekend. I spent a part of the weekend pondering last week's posts and deciding how to start this week off. First of all I'd like to thank Will for this opportunity, which I neglected to do last week. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and although I'm not completely sure why I am here, I am sure that it was somehow meant to be and that I, at least will benefit from it.

So, I thought a great deal about what I hoped to accomplish with this blog, and it struck me that I would really like to help someone bring about a transformation in their life, however small, and to help them to realize that they have the power to make similar changes themselves. I believe that's in keeping with the spirit of Will and White Dove. In my mind, a lesson well learned has the potential to bring about some sort of change, whether in life, health, money, or family. We are all a part of a large community in which we participate, and therefore have an affect on those around us. What a joy if that affect were to be positive.

With that in mind, I pondered a few of the lessons I have learned and would like to share a couple of them with you this week. The first is that nothing (relatively speaking) is free. There has to be an exchange of some sort whether it is money, effort, self-sacrifice, or other substance of value. The saying goes that "you get what you pay for." Be prepared to offer some sort of sacrifice for something you hold dear. Expend that extra effort you might not otherwise be willing to and you will be pleasantly surprised with what you receive in exchange. This applies even if it's just offering a kind word to someone. The reward you will receive will far outweigh the "energy" it took you to do so.

Be willing and able to forgive. This is not simply a Christian tenet, as it has been documented to have a positive effect on ones health and well-being. For many years I carried the burden of not being able to forgive my father for some of the things he had done when I was younger. Prior to his death he developed Alzheimer's Disease and became, in many ways, childlike so Faith and I traveled from North Carolina to New York on a couple of occasions, primarily to "help" my mother.

On one of those occasions we went with her to the nursing home to visit my father. He was in a common room with other residents when we arrived. When my mother pointed me out to him he literally beamed and waved for me to come to him. It was then, in part, that I forgave him. I went to him; me a 50 year old man; put my head in his lap and wept, because I knew then what I hadn't completely known before; He loved me. I don't know what may have gone through his mind, but I can hope that it gave him some joy as well. It wasn't long after that that he passed on, and we made another trip to New York. I truly mourned his death, yet somehow I also knew some level of peace.

Extending forgiveness closes wounds so that healing can take place. If there's someone that you have yet to forgive contemplate why, but also realize the freedom you may enjoy by doing so.

Seeing and Perceptions

2008-08-15T10:05:00.000-07:00

My favorite color is red; always has been. I loved red Popsicles, red lollipops- anything red. It doesn't matter that I also like the cherry flavor. My very first car was red; as is the car I drive today. I have wondered from time to time if everyone sees the color red the same way I do. Intuitively it would seem so. Color is the result of certain wavelengths of light being reflected from an object, so it would seem to make sense. Those wavelengths don't change for me or for you. But what about our receptors, the corneas and lenses in our eyes; not to mention our brains - are they all identical? I can't state one way or the other as a layman, but I wonder.

I do know that several people can look at the same object or event and report quite differently on them. Eyewitnesses at accidents and crime scenes are notoriously unreliable. They haven't actually witnessed different events; rather they've witnessed them differently. Each of has been conditioned by all of the various events and people in our lives. We have our individual likes, dislikes, biases and prejudices. One person driving at an interchange spots a person with a sign asking for money – will work for food. He or she sees some shiftless lazy beggar, and won't even acknowledge them. Another drives by and sees someone who's down on their luck and stops and gives them a dollar or two. Consider that they're both wrong to a degree – the person is mentally disabled and therefore destitute.

In the gospel of John, Chapter 9 Christ says of the Pharisees, "because you say you see your sin remains". I believe this parable speaks to, not our physical sight alone, but to our spiritual and moral sight as well. In our seeing and making judgments regarding our fellow travelers. How easy it is to discount someone based on his or her religion, race, or any other characteristic we may deem "undesirable".

I know that this has been detrimental to me many more times than once. There was a story a while ago in Readers Digest about a husband and wife who went into McDonalds for breakfast one day. (This was from an observer of the incident) Two very dirty and odiferous men came into the restaurant and everyone tried to avoid them, including the counter people. The wife on seeing this went to the counter, ordered food and coffee for the men and gave it to them. The gratitude that was reflected in their faces was what prompted the witness to write to Readers Digest.

I can't tell you how that affected me other than to say that I now try to look with my heart as well as my eyes as this lady so obviously did. I think we would all be better served by doing so, I know this story enriched my life.

Mending Brokenness

2008-08-14T08:31:00.001-07:00

Faith and I have a Hummingbird feeder just outside of our kitchen
window, which overlooks our backyard. This morning I was enjoying watching
three of these little guys competing for a seat to slake their thirst. As I
watched them I looked over at our Gardenia bush and was reminded of the
aftermath of Hurricane Isabel in September of 2003. This had been our first
experience of a hurricane and we were astonished with the ferocity of this
storm. We had decided to stay and weather the storm so when it had passed we
were able to immediately see the damages that resulted from it's passing.

The winds had taken down 60-foot pine trees as if they were matchsticks,
and elsewhere in town, many stately old oak trees. Amazingly the property
damage was relatively minimal although trees had crashed into and damaged
several homes throughout the area. Well our beautiful gardenia bush was bent
over almost double, but still in one piece. I decided to leave it alone
assuming that perhaps over time it would right itself naturally.

Well of course that didn't happen. It remained bent with the branches
seemingly growing toward the ground and then shooting upwards. It actually
looked quite "disturbed" so I decided it was time to intercede, and although
I'm certainly no horticulturist, I preceded to attempt to affect some
"repairs" to our pitiful looking bush. Off to Lowes I went and purchased a
tree "staking" kit. It consisted of three lengths of rope, three clear
plastic tubes to go around the rope, and several sturdy stakes. Back at home
I proceed to dig around the roots of the bush in order to free it so that I
could then pull it upright.

Everything seemed to be going OK until I gave it one final tug, and the
trunk snapped and split down one side, almost in two! I was devastated, but
decided to complete righting the bush, and staking it to stabilize it. I
waited and watched anxiously over the months to see if it would survive the
perhaps overzealous corrections I had attempted to make. To my delight, and
great relief, it did, and today it stands straight and "proud" delivering
its beautiful flowers to us in abundance. You can see the new growth, and
it's now past due to be pruned, but little evidence remains of the damage it
had sustained.

As I was looking out the window and reflecting on the wonder of it's
recovery, it brought to mind the similarity to our lives. I of course hadn't
affected any repair to the bush. In fact my bumbling, although well intended
efforts, had probably almost finished it off. Left on its own it would have
righted itself all on its own. But I decided I wasn't going to wait for
that; I wanted it to look perfect now.

But Someone else was looking after that bush just as He does for us. No
matter how broken we may be; no matter if our own efforts fail; He is
faithful to look after us. He has the infinite knowledge, ability, and
patience, to make all things right. We need simply have faith and trust in
Him.