I struggled with whether to write this post or not. This is difficult for me to write for a couple of reasons. Primarily because it will probably bear mentioning at some point in the future, so better to deal with it now than later, since it will be no less difficult then. It may even be more appropriate at this time given the topic of transformation.
Any of lifes lessons has the potential to be transforming, but none perhaps more so than the really difficult and painful ones. These difficult, painful lessons can actually cause one to go either way - toward growth and improvement or regressively toward destruction and more pain. The difference is how we choose to respond to them, or how we are led to respond to them. The truth remains though, that the positive potential resides in every lesson.
I mentioned in my biography that I have four children which is true. What I didn't mention was that two of them are deceased. I was blessed with two boys by my first wife. She and I were divorced when they were about 9 and 7 years old. By the time they were about 11 and 9 it was decided that they weren't willing to visit me any longer. I could have fought this decision legally but decided, for a variety of reasons, not to. So instead I stayed in touch as best I could sending birthday and Christmas gifts etc. I told myself that when they were ready they would ask to see me.
Billy, the oldest, reached out when he graduated from high school shortly before he commited suicide at 18. Chad moved to Arizona and contacted me about a year before his 26th birthday. He died in a car accident about a week after turning 26. Suffice it to say that I can't personally think of any more painful experience's in my life. Both times I was in the depths of despair but was pulled back, in part by my darling wife Faith.
So, what were the lessons I learned from these two horrific events? God was definitely working in my life. He made it so that I saw and enjoyed each of them while there was still time to do so, however brief it may have been. I learned how to love more; how can you not when you realize that a brief moment in time is all you may have. I definitely learned patience, and I also learned forgiveness because I had to forgive myself for the person I had been.
I am less fearful now, and more at ease with myself, however imperfect I may be. So, first of all, extend your love at every opportunity you may have. This can even be a silent affirmation to someone, or a kind gesture, each will be appreciated. Be patient - with yourself as well as others. We don't all learn and grow at the same pace - as my mother said "Your turn will come." Always be willing to forgive, even yourself.
A very touching post Bill. It must have been very difficult for you to face the tragic loss of those two children. You have clearly learned how to come through such difficulty and be at peace with the world.
May God bless you and your family.