Inspiration - Personal Development at its Best!
Friday, 10 April 2009

"NO" - one consonant, one vowel, one syllable - then why is it so hard to
just say NO. Even when you are sure the answer is NO, when your head says
NO - you still open your mouth and respond, 'Yes'. What's wrong with this
picture? Are you being too nice here? Are you afraid to say NO because of
feared repercussions? Do you believe saying NO to be politically incorrect?
Well think again, you are no super man or super woman. You absolutely can
not be all things to all people all the time.

How can you stop this contradiction? How do you stop worrying about whose
feelings are being hurt, quit making decisions you soon regret - and then
suffer the consequences all alone? When are you going to release your
excess baggage and stop being concerned about who will get angry? When will
you stop giving in to avoid confrontation? And when will you stop yielding
to other people's task delegations because you feel pressured? I say it's
time for you to get off of this merry-go-round NOW. Say NO to being taken
advantage of, used and abused because of your kindness, your talent and your
fear.

You are human and can only do so much. Your life consists of a whole lot
more than work, family assistance and community services. Choosing not to
accept additional responsibilities simply means you recognize that you have
higher priorities to deal with at the present time. Should someone get
angry because you said NO to their request, so be it. That is not your
problem. As Phil Evans of People Stuff says, "What others do or say is
their stuff; how we react, or not, is our stuff! And: true happiness in life
isn't having what you want, but wanting what you have! And lastly: What
other people think of you is none of your business!" Live your life based
upon your own beliefs, values, and ambitions. Then you can have peace of
mind and joy.

You have to respect your own time and duties if you want others to do
likewise. The ability to say NO gives you personal power and freedom
because you are no longer held in bondage by other peoples' agendas. You
are free to move about and live your life the way you choose; when, where
and how you choose without being encumbered. It takes practice to learn
this art of saying NO; but, once you get over the initial shock and exercise
your power a few times, it becomes second nature. There are distinct and
tactful ways of just saying NO that will yield more success and favorable
regard.

Begin saying NO to unhealthy eating habits and negative self-talk. Say NO
to decisions that compete against your specific goals. DO NOT make it easy
for anyone to expect you to do what he or she wants, without consideration
for your plans. Maintain a comprehensive daily planner that includes your
commitments, goals and personal plans. Review your calendar each day to
help you more easily decline unprofitable, distracting tasks. Use your
discernment, disrupt conversations, and resolutely let others know your
schedule is full or that you already have existing commitments.

Consider heeding these additional suggestions:

1. Re-organize your thoughts and priorities systematically
2. Be polite, but let your voice tones agree with your words
3. Avoid encouraging body language - nods, smiles, etc.
4. Don't ask questions that suggest your interest or buy-in
5. Begin sentences with the word NO to exert your power and influence
6. Say "Let me think about it" when you want time to consider a
decision
7. Refuse to give in to flattery and do not feel guilty for saying NO
8. More often than not, give a short, firm NO without lengthy
justification

You can soften your NO by using the phrase 'Not now' if you are speaking
with someone you are close to or if there is a chance you can help them at a
future time. Saying NO is an amazing empowerment tool. When you learn to do
it effectively, you will begin to notice how people no longer ask you to do
their urgent, unimportant tasks. Finally they have come to realize that
their smooth lines and tactics no longer work on you. Get familiar with
your personal limitations, establish precedence for your chores, and make
certain you spend enough time taking care of your needs first. Later you
can help someone else if it is your choice.

Recognize the responsibility and power in saying NO. Acquire this skill and
you will become more honest with yourself and those persons wanting your
time and space. Doing so is hard initially, particularly if you thrive on
other folks' approvals. But hang in there and keep trying. Eventually your
confidence will begin to soar as you realize you are not rejecting the
people, but the task request and infringement on your time. You will earn
more respect; you will demand more respect.

Being in your own power is the ability to just be yourself, without fear of
criticism, with confidence rather than arrogance.
Phil Evans, People Stuff
Master, Personal Development and Empowerment

Personal Development   Alternative Health   Image Enhancement   Empowered Living   Personal Health

posted by The White Dove Partnership @ 08:45

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