Boys experience pressure from competition and tests they believe are the
rites of passage for becoming a man. These tests require them to exhibit
athletic skills, to be macho, show super strength, to not be girlish, to not
cry or be ashamed of their fears, and to conceal their emotions. Every day
they engage in some form of rivalry to pass these tests so they can boast of
their skill and prowess. Competition and power struggles are key elements
in their destination to manhood.

The boys respond by suppressing their sentiments, acting out, hiding their
acts of compassion, and underperforming. At home, parents notice their
little boys attempting to dominate another sibling. They try to shroud
their true feelings and show no empathy or sympathy. Boys are supposed to
be active, rough, tough and aggressive. They no longer want to be hugged
and definitely not kissed. Handling this behavior properly is of the utmost
importance.

Collective, effective communication with our sons is necessary. Working
together with sufficient knowledge and rapport, we can navigate their manly
ambitions into focused, honorable endeavors. Genuine praise and
encouragement should be offered to them daily. We must ensure our boys know
their greater charges: study diligently, learn to speak well, earn the best
grades possible so they can get low auto insurance rates, college
admissions, and good employment. Having these accomplishments will enable
them to become proud citizens, strong community leaders, family men and
outstanding role models themselves.

"The trick is not to squash the essence of boys, but to channel their
natural wildness into manliness. And this is what keeps me awake at night…
How do I raise my sons to be better than their father? ...What I'm
discovering is that as I try to guide these ornery, wild-hearted little boys
toward manhood, they are helping me become a better man, too. I love my sons
without measure, and I want them to have the father I did not. As I stumble
and sometimes fail, as I feign an interest in camping and construction and
bugs, I become something better than I was." - Tony Woodlief, Raising Wild
Boys Into Men: A Modern Dad's Survival Guide

Boys need trustworthy men in their lives especially during puberty to answer
questions about their mental and physical body changes. Men contribute
significantly to their personal growth and image enhancement. They provide
them with directions to manhood. Boys desire to be like their fathers and
other male exemplars; therefore, they need to know what qualities embody
manhood. Because of the different tests, rituals and codes of masculinity,
our boys require instructions of the various ways to become a man.

"In all our years as therapists, we have never met a boy who didn't crave
his parents' love and others' acceptance and who didn't feel crippled by
their absence or redeemed by their abundance. Strong and healthy boys are
made strong by acceptance and affirmation of their humanity. We all have a
chance to do that every day, every time we are in the presence of a boy and
we have a chance to say to him I recognize you. You are a boy — full of
life, full of dreams, full of feeling." - Michael Thompson, Ph.D. and Dan
Kindlon, Ph.D., Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys

As boys mature to men, they must be taught how men conduct themselves when
they are around women, and when they are around other men. They need to
become familiar with male activities, male likes and dislikes. They need to
hear their dad say, "I love you, son." They need to hear him say, I'm
really proud of you" whether they are the top student, the top athlete or
not. They need praise and guidance, not constant put downs and reprimands.
They need to learn basic male deportment and man skills. Below are some
strategies from Raising Cain given by Doctor Thompson and Doctor Kindlon for
guiding boys along their destination to manhood.

a) Recognize and accept the high activity level of boys; provide safe boy
places
for them to express it.
b) Give boys permission to have a full range of human emotions; challenge
the
myth of the tough guy
c) Help them develop an emotional vocabulary to better understand
themselves and to better communicate with others
d) Talk to boys in their language, in a way that honors their pride and
their
masculinity
e) Establish meaningful, open relationships so your boys will begin to trust
in you
and in themselves
f) Teach boys how to initiate friendships and maintain them
g) Train them how to deal with conflicts that arise in male friendships from

different levels of athletic skill, from teasing, and from competition
for the
attention of girls
h) Use discipline to build character and conscience, not to provoke your
boys
i) Do not unduly shame, harshly punish or assault them with excessive adult

anger
j) Demonstrate to your boys what it means to be a real man

Maturation from boys to men is a destination that is often fraught with
trials, afflictions, and misunderstandings. Employment of valuable
resources such as those available through White Dove Books
(http://www.whitedovebooks.co.uk/), other personal development sources
(tapes, DVDs and programs), and also, the utilization of family and friends
can make the transition a much smoother one. Boys to men, it's a
destination not a journey.