Empowered Living

No Amount Of Self-Improvement Can Make Up For A La

noreply@blogger.com (The White Dove Partnership) — Sun, 10 Jan 2010 16:27:00 +0000

I have met many people in my time who go to one personal development course after another, have a library of self-development books and always complain that 'nothing has worked'. There's a good reason for this: the way we feel about ourselves - that which makes us a self-confident and self-assured individual - is a direct result of the beliefs we hold about ourselves. And unless those beliefs are changed from negative and damaging to positive and inspiring, we will always feel ourselves to be lacking in some regard.

Let's face it, if we didn't think we were lacking in some way, we wouldn't feel the need to attend a personal development course, would we!

Self-acceptance is one of the mightiest aspects of self-empowerment. We really cannot empower ourselves if we do not believe we deserve everything that empowerment can bring us.

Let's say, for example, that you want to be more successful (in whatever way you define success). You've been to lots of seminars and workshops. You've worked your way through a myriad of courses. You've bought the latest popular book and religiously followed the exercises contained within it. For a couple of days - or weeks - you feel good. By the time a month has elapsed you feel exactly the same as before you started the course, workshop or book. Why?

BECAUSE YOU HAVE UNDERLYING BELIEFS THAT STOP YOU FROM BEING THE BEST YOU CAN BE.

We are programmed as children with more negative beliefs about ourselves than I care to mention. Parents are a wonderful source of ensuring their children take on the baggage of shame, guilt and not being good enough. In other words, parents can make their children believe that they are not good enough … hence the need for self-improvement courses.

But … Where there is self-acceptance, improvement is inevitable. We all want to become more, do more and enjoy life to the fullest. That's what an empowered life is all about – being positive, optimistic and downright happy!

Empowered people are all this a! nd more. They are successful. Very. What's important is not how others see their success, but how they view success in relation to themselves.

We are not born with the belief system we have. Our belief system was LEARNED. So, if you feel yourself to be a failure, that limiting belief will stop you from being happy . The first thing you need to do is find out who was responsible for teaching you this particular negative lesson. A lesson which you then took on board as a truth, filing it away in your subconscious to do who-knows-what damage.

The bottom line is, of course, that the offending belief has to be identified! And identify it you must because it is your beliefs that govern the quality of your life. Each belief you have produces emotions which can be constricting – which means that in order to change a belief system, you need to rid yourself of the emotions which surround tit.

Can a belief system be changed? Absolutely! Since beliefs are learned, they can be unlearned … and relearned in new ways. All it takes from you is a willingness to get up close and personal with memories you may want to keep buried, and the desire to be open-minded. Not much, eh  It takes courage to change a belief system.

There's a definite process to follow: Identify the belief that holds you back, Create a new one, and . Strengthen it.

If you don't think you can do this yourself, seek out a professional - practitioner or therapist - who can help you. Think of the cost as an investment in your future. As examples: psychologists (as opposed to psychiatrists), hypnotherapists, acupuncturists and practitioners of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) or EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). Surf the Net to find out more about each modality (and discover other useful ones) and see which would suit you (if any).

Other articles which you may find useful are: There Is NO Such thing As Failure Breaking Free Why not check them out.

Don't wait any longer.

Make this new year the cat! alyst fo r discovering the real you.

Here's to becoming a butterfly in 2010.

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About the author: Barbara Rose is the author of How To Be A Success. You can find this book at http://www.barbaras-library.com As a problem-solver, she is a mentor, coach, teacher, alternative therapist and writer who specializes in helping people reach their potential at all levels (spiritual, emotional, mental and physical). You can find out more about Barbara by visiting www.barbara-rose.name

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Resolve To Be Happy

noreply@blogger.com (The White Dove Partnership) — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 17:17:00 +0000

We're hardly into a new year, with all its possibilities, and I've just had this conversation with a friend:

F: Have you made any new year resolutions?

Me: Not really. I guess my only resolution is not to make any resolutions. (I chuckled, she didn't). What about you?

F: What's the point? Something's bound to happen to make sure they don't work out.

Me (cringing inside): Maybe you should just make a resolution to be happy.

And that, dear reader, was the absolute worse thing I could have said. The reception from the other end of the line was so frosty that icicles dripped through the phone. Okay, so maybe that's a slight exaggeration, but you get my point!

It made me think, though. When we make a resolution, we are making a firm decision, ie resolving, to do/not do something specific. Logically speaking, therefore, the only person responsible for ensuring a resolution is successful (or not) is the person who made it.

If you make a resolution to be happy ! (or happier than the year before), who's responsible for your ultimate happiness? You. And that's where the buck stops. No-one can make you feel happy – only you can do that. And no-one can make you feel miserable, either – you have ownership of that feeling as well.

Confident, self-assured people don't look to others for happiness. Of course, being around certain people make us happy (that's one of the reasons we have friends) BUT think about it for a moment … what exactly is it that your friends do to bring you joy?

Then consider this: Happiness is a quality that produces an emotion which impacts on your behaviour which contributes to your state of mind.

It isn't events or people that cause you to feel happy, it's how you think about those events and people that fuels your emotions.

I have to admit to having no patience at all with people who continually complain about anything and everything. And to be honest, there have been many times in ! my past where I've just snapped, "If you don't like it, do som! ething a bout it!"

I just don't understand why anyone would want to spend their lives being miserable. Just think of what could be achieved if the energy expended on being unhappy was used on activities which brought pleasure!

In a rotten relationship? Get out! Sure it's going to hurt like heck for a while BUT at least you now have the opportunity to meet someone who will appreciate you. Ask yourself why you stay. I'm sure you will be able to come up with a million and one reasons to remain where you are – and then find one reason why you shouldn't!

In a job you hate? Change it! There has been far too much research that shows that being in a job you hate can make you very sick .. and that's in addition to the stress which accumulates. Consider yourself a dormant volcano – because there will come a time when this situation will make you explode.

Sometimes relationships and jobs can be improved by talking things through with your antagonist. And yes, someti! mes they can't. It isn't easy breaking away from bad situations. However, there are many people who have done … are doing … and will do … just that. Why not read my article "Breaking Free" – it will give you some tips on how to make the transition from a bad situation to a good one.

Resolve to be happy. Resolve to change what makes you miserable. Resolve to take ownership for your feelings … your behaviour … your state of mind.

Make this YOUR year. Make a plan – decide what you want and GO FOR IT! Make a To Do list – and put YOUR happiness at the top of it. Make a point of jotting down each day (in a small notebook) one thing that made you laugh, chuckle or smile – it will be a useful read when you have a 'down' day. Make a list of those hobbies/pastimes/activities that you used to do – and take at least one of them up again.

And do you know why making a commitment to be happy is a great new year resolution? Because you deserve the very best that Life ! has to offer you.

I wish you much joy and happiness for! 2010.

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About the author: Barbara Rose is the author of 8 Natural Solutions for Managing & Controlling Stress to bring balance into your life. You can find this book at http://www.barbaras-library.com As a problem-solver, she is a mentor, coach, teacher, alternative therapist and writer who specializes in helping people reach their potential at all levels (spiritual, emotional, mental and physical). You can find out more about Barbara by visiting www.barbara-rose.name

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The A - Z of Self-Empowerment

noreply@blogger.com (The White Dove Partnership) — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 22:00:00 +0000

With 2010 just around the corner, I guess many people are thinking about new year resolutions. Perhaps yours will be to live a more empowered life! To that end, you will find an A to Z of affirmations which work well for me … and hopefully will inspire you, too.

There are a variety of ways to use them, but I think you can get more from them if you take one, say "Always do my best", and make it your focus every day for a week. At that rate you'll have worked through the alphabet twice in the year. Of course, you don't have to work systematically through the alphabet! You can select any statement you choose, in any order you wish to do them.

To make your life even more fulfilling, choose a different statement to be your monthly challenge. This way you'll be focussing on five or six aspects of empowerment each month.

Always do my best.
Be impeccable with my word.
Communicate with others.
Do what is right .. now!
Eagerness for new projects makes me happy.
Flexibility and adaptability give me freedom.
Growing beyond old directions is a challenge I enjoy.
Honesty is my trademark.
I am unique.
Joyful is my existence.
Knowledge is power … and I am powerful.
Listening to my intuition brings rewards.
Money is only one part of my abundant life.
Nothing stops me from achieving my dreams
Opportunities surround me at all times.
Purpose is in everything I do.
Quiet times help to recharge my batteries.
Risk-taking is easy because I trust myself.
Self-recognition makes me feel good on the inside.
Thoughts create my fantastic life.
Understanding my self is a lifelong journey.
Valuing myself is more important than being valued by others.
Worthiness in myself is indisputable.
eXpansiveness makes my world rock!
Youthfulness is mine!
Zzzzzz is for others … I am wide awake and loving life.

Here's to a wonderful and abundant 2010!!

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If you would like a poster of these affirmations click on this link: http://www.barbaras-library.com/A2Z_Empower.html About the author: Barbara Rose is a mentor, coach, teacher and alternative therapist who specializes in helping people reach their potential at all levels (spiritual, emotional, mental and physical). You can find out more about Barbara and her services by visiting www.barbara-rose.name

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10 Tips To Improve A Child's Self-Esteem

noreply@blogger.com (The White Dove Partnership) — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 05:43:00 +0000

Parents do the best they can with the tools they have. This is such an old saying and very true! When we become parents we look to our own for ideas and we make certain decisions: yes, my parents did this-and-that well, I'm going to do it too; no, my parents did such-and-such and I hated it – I'm never going to do that to my children! Ah, yes, we set out with the best of intentions, don't we. The problem for us as parents, is that we can destroy a child's self-esteem without even knowing we are doing it. We can set up a belief system which will haunt that child right through adolescence and into their adult years. Let me give you an example…

When my youngest boy could toddle around he was the biggest klutz in the universe. If anything could be knocked over, he knocked it over. Nothing was safe while he was around. Then, one Sunday afternoon, after I'd almost yelled, "Don't go near that, you'll break it!" I realised with a shock that I often said it to him. Well, actually, if the truth be told, it wasn't often, it was all the time! I resolved, then and there, never to tell him again that he was clumsy or something would break if he was even so much as in the room with it. And you know what – he stopped being a klutz. I learned a valuable lesson that afternoon. Years later, while at teacher's college, we covered Self-Fulfilling Prophesy in one of our units. Essentially SFP means this: whatever you believe you are, you are. So, by constantly telling my lad that he was clumsy I was laying the groundwork for a belief system that would have resulted in him being a super-clumsy adult – because that's what he believed himself to be.

Without questioning what you do, I offer you a few tips, parent to parent ….

1. Praise your child often. Recognition builds self-confidence and self-esteem – which in turn will earn them praise from others (very important). Children need to show how competent they are to their families, friends, school mates and teachers.

2. Make a point of finding one th! ing ever y day which will enable you to praise your child.

3. Give your child chores to do … then reward and praise for jobs well done!

4. Do not make impossible demands on your children – and that includes leaning too heavily on them for support.

5. Introduce your child to experiences in which they can succeed – it will teach them confidence.

6. Let children do things for themselves. One of the hardest things to do as a parent is step back and watch children make mistakes. If you accept that a mistake is just a learning experience, your youngster(s) will become very self-assured.

7. Give your children lots of opportunities to make decisions … and help them to become responsible for their choices. (My children were making their own decisions at 18 months old when they knew which clothes they wanted to wear – not my choices, by the way! They were told they could have whatever they wanted from particular racks – which fitted in with my financial constraints at the time.)

8. Gently encourage children to face their fears, one at a time. Once they overcome their fears, not much can stand in their way. You will have given them the foundation for facing fears in their future. (You may need to ask yourself whether the fears your youngsters are theirs … or yours.)

9. Have regular time alone with each of your children. Every child needs dedicated one-on-one time with their parent(s) in order to feel special.

10. Make a family decision to raise the levels of everyone's self-esteem. Take positive steps to make it happen!

Here's to a new generation of self-empowered people!!

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About the author: Barbara Rose is a mentor, coach, teacher and alternative therapist who specializes in helping people reach their potential at all levels (spiritual, emotional, mental and physical). Please visit www.barbaras-library.com for a complete list of Barbara's articles and books. Or go to www.barbara-rose.name to find out more ab! out Barb ara and her services.

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10 Ways to Improve Your Self-Esteem

noreply@blogger.com (The White Dove Partnership) — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 22:00:00 +0000

In my last article I talked about the importance of self-esteem and how it is a crucial element in our success for living empowered lives. It is important to remember that we can still be self-critical and have good self-esteem at the same time. We do this by not generalising about our mistakes and weaknesses to include everything about ourselves. So, how can you improve your self-esteem? Well, here are ten ways for you to consider:

1. Make an effort to improve the way you talk to yourself. Say positive things to yourself rather than negative. There is a difference between saying, "I am a totally worthless human being because last week I was rude to the in-laws, and that means I will always be hopeless." (low self-esteem) and "I behaved really badly last night with those specific people at that specific time." This accepts responsibility but doesn't damn one's whole personality and life as worthless (good self-esteem). Remember this: your mind is like a computer – what you programme into it, stays there!

2. Give yourself credit for everything you do well. It is important for you to celebrate your achievements, no matter how small you think they are. Not only will it help your self-esteem, it will boost your self-confidence. Think of it like this: there cannot be oak trees without acorns – which just goes to show how something small can become something big and majestic!

3. Face your fears one at a time. Slowly and gently is the way to do it. Take one fear and conquer it before you move on to the next one. The more you do this, the better you'll feel about yourself. Tip: Start with your least important fear first, because it will be the easiest to overcome. And once you've done that, work your way up to conquering the greatest fear you have.

4. Forgive yourself for your mistakes. Okay, so you did something not right at a particular time – will you do the same thing again? Probably not. That's the beauty of making a mistake – you learn what you can from it …. and then you let i! t go. Re member: We ALL make mistakes – it's what we do about them that counts.

5. Set realistic goals for yourself. There's a saying: Rome wasn't built in a day, which makes great advice for everyone all these years after Rome's founding. A realistic goal is one which can be broken down into small, easy-to-manage steps. As you complete each step, you are just that bit closer to reaching your goal. The key to success is not to give up! Tip: If you find any step difficult, break it down again into three or four more manageable activities.

6. Join a club. Getting involved in a team sport or service organization is a sure-fire way to boost your self-esteem. This is a great way to make new friends and do something enjoyable at the same time. Tip: www.meetup.com offers a wide variety of interest groups. No matter what your interest, there's sure to be a Meetup group available for you to join!

7. Take up a new hobby. Becoming creative works the right side of the brain – which will help balance the negative talk you give yourself. If you spend your free time being creative with your hands, you'll have less time to tell yourself negative things. Tip: If you're not ready to take up a new hobby, become reacquainted with an old one.

8. Help someone in your community. Nothing makes a person feel good about themselves like being a volunteer. Today's volunteers help with the environment, run Girl Guide and Boy Scout troupes, and fix makeup for hospital-bound patients just to name a few. There's no end to the possibilities which await you. Idea: Contact your local council or the Red Cross.

9. Rope in friends and family to help you raise your self-esteem. It's always easier to raise your self-esteem if you don't have to do it all on your own. Allow yourself to respect these people and be respected by them. Hint: You will have to be honest about all your feelings if you want to make headway.

10. Make a decision today to take responsibility for your self-esteem. Other people may influence ! the way you feel about yourself, but only you can accept those influences. The degree to which you are valued is up to you!

Here's to your success!!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * About the author: Barbara Rose is a mentor, coach, teacher and alternative therapist who specializes in helping people reach their potential at all levels (spiritual, emotional, mental and physical). Please visit www.barbaras-library.com for a complete list of Barbara's articles and books. Or go to www.barbara-rose.name to find out more about Barbara and her services.

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Are Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence the Same Thing?

noreply@blogger.com (The White Dove Partnership) — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 07:26:00 +0000

This is the question I am asked time and time again – which just goes to show how important we value self-esteem and self-confidence. The short answer to the question is 'no'. Self-esteem refers to how you judge yourself. Self-confidence comes from the specific things that you do. This means that the more you do a particular action, the better you will become at doing it, and the more self-confidence you will have … in that particular action.

Can you have low self-esteem and high self-confidence, or vice versa? Hmmm. Well, I have known people who, when in a social situation flatly refuse to open their mouths and yet, in a business environment are the most self-assured people you could meet. Generally speaking, though, self-esteem and self-confidence tend to go hand-in-hand.

The problem with low self-esteem is that it can be very debilitating. It can stop you from even trying something new … for fear of failure. And if you are afraid to get started, how can you become good at it?

Consider these self-esteem issues:

* No appreciation of what you can do.

* No recognition or respect for your own abilities, potentials and value.

* Placing no importance on your strengths and not trusting in them.

* No acceptance of your limitations.

* No acceptance of these limitations or understanding that some limitations can be overcome.

* Being worried and concerned with what you imagine others think of you.

* Having no real sense of who you are.

Perhaps I should point out here that EVERYONE has self-esteem issues at some point in their life! However, if you have personal power, you will also have more than your fair share of self-esteem and self-confidence.

So what is it that determines whether or not we have high self-esteem? Our childhoods. Self-esteem begins with the responses that we get from our parents, siblings, teachers and peers when we're growing up.

Those responses are tied into our sex: boys are praised for their achievements, and so they grow up with a sense of self based on how well they master tasks; girls are praised for pleasing others, and so they grow up with a sense of self based on how well they establish and maintain relationships.

As you can see, it is relatively easy for a child to grow up with either a very high, or very low, sense of self. The child then becomes an adult who carries a belief system which may be entirely unfair.

The responses to which children are subjected as children are largely responsible for irrational beliefs - the largest contributors of low self-esteem. They are:

* I must be loved, or at least liked, and approved by every significant person I meet.

* If I am to be worthwhile, I must be completely competent, make no mistakes, and achieve in every possible way.

* Some people are bad and wicked and they should be blamed and punished for this.

* It is dreadful, nearly the end of the world, when things don't go how I'd like them to.

* Unhappiness, including mine, is caused by factors outside my control, so I can do little about it.

* If something might be unpleasant or frightening, I should worry about it a great deal.

* It's easier to put off something unpleasant or difficult than it is to face up to it.

* I need to depend on someone stronger than myself.

* My problems were caused by events in my past, and that's why I have problems now.

* I should be very upset by other people's problems and difficulties.

Is self-esteem really important? Of course!

High self-esteem allows you to cope with whatever comes along. It gives you the skills to face whatever happens in your life.

High self-esteem gives you the courage to try new things and a willingness to "have a go".

High self-esteem allows you to make good judgements and decisions – and not worry about what other people might think or say.

If you are reading this because you don't have any self-esteem, then let me assure you it is possible to develop it! That's personal experience speaking, by the way. I grew up with less than zero self-esteem thanks to my parents, became a teenager with zero self-esteem thanks to being good at sport (so the self-confidence developed) BUT as an adult, I resolved to change. Truly, that's all you need … the resolve to change.

If you are resolved to change, then check out my next article because I will be giving you some guidelines.

If you are a parent who would like to boost the self-esteem of your children (or even somebody else's), then some tips will appear in a week or two …. so please come back.

Just remember this: someone's opinion of you does not have to become your reality.

About the author: Barbara Rose is a mentor, coach, teacher and alternative therapist who specializes in helping people reach their potential at all levels (spiritual, emotional, mental and physical).

Please visit www.barbaras-library.com for a complete list of Barbara's articles and books. Or go to www.barbara-rose.name to find out more about Barbara and her services.

Barbara Rose
mailto:barbara@barbara-rose.name

snailmail to: PO Box 85, Melton
Victoria 3337, Australia

Ph: 61 4 3864 5287

Are You A Hero?

noreply@blogger.com (The White Dove Partnership) — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 04:34:00 +0000

Heroes are individuals with great physical and mental strength. They risk everything, living and dying devoid of fear. Heroes obey nothing but their own beliefs and convictions and are idolised by those who witness their courage. Their independence of thought and action is what sets them apart from others.

That's what I read on the back of a student's tee-shirt. When I first started reading it, I expected something totally different. I guess that's because an initial reaction to the word 'hero' is of someone who can leap tall buildings in a single bound! As I read, the words struck chord deep inside because I was struck by the familiarity of the how much is this also true of people who live
empowered lives.

If we look, we can find heroes everywhere. Firemen are willing to enter burning buildings to save lives. Policemen are willing to put themselves in harm's way to protect the people. Soldiers are willing to die for their country – a cause that only a soldier truly understands. Surf lifesavers are willing to battle the moods of the sea to ensure no lives are lost.

Then there are the RSPCA inspectors are willing to put themselves at risk to save an animal, not to mention the ordinary men and women who have been of crucial assistance at a myriad of accidents. And there are people living empowered lives, who fit the above description so well.

Does it mean that I think of myself as a hero? Since reading the tee-shirt, I've thought about it a great deal, and at the risk of sounding big-headed, I would have to say yes.

Empowered living demands great mental strength. How else could I be an individual? How else could I follow my hopes and dreams – and have faith they will be successful? How else could I believe in myself – especially when times are tough and my world seems to be crumbling? As an empowered person I live life without fear – most of the time! But I am brave enough to acknowledge that although twinges of uncertainty and anxiety will always occur, those times will pass.

I am motivated by my beliefs and convictions – which require a great deal of strength sometimes. Especially as I work on the principle that it's easy to be bad and a lot harder to be good, so I rarely hold a grudge and never seek revenge for perceived wrongs.

It would be untrue to say that I am idolised by those who have known me, but I often hear "I wish I could be more like you". I put it down to my strength of character, a strong belief in right and wrong, and the fact that I always stand up for myself and my rights. Does my independence of thought and action set me apart from others? I'm sure, at times, that they would.

The plain truth is that I am not unique. I'm sure that you know, or have known, plenty of strong, confident, self-assured people capable of giving of themselves without asking anything in return. People who exert a great deal of influence, usually without realizing it. Dedicated school teachers would come into this category, without a doubt! (Yes, I admit it, the greatest influence on my life was Mr Warne, one of my primary school teachers.)

If you are a person who possesses great mental strength because of your individuality … if you risk everything because you have strong beliefs and convictions … if other people look up to you because of what you stand for … if you are independent of thought and action … then, my
friend - You are a hero.

On the other hand, if you are a person who is developing mental strength … is working on self-esteem or self-confidence issues … is taking little steps to assert individualization … if you are doing all this, despite what others may say or think … then, my friend, you are a hero, too, for it takes great courage to consciously make changes in a life - And I salute you.

About the author: Barbara Rose is a mentor, coach, teacher and alternative therapist who specializes in helping people reach their potential at all levels (spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical). Please visit www.barbaras-library.com for a complete list of Barbara's articles and books. You can find out more about Barbara by going to www.barbara-rose.name.

Follow One Course Until Successful

noreply@blogger.com (The White Dove Partnership) — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 01:03:00 +0000

If you are a regular reader of this blog then you will know that to live an empowered life, a life which allows you to do whatever it is you want to do, be or achieve, you can only do so if you are focussed. The question is, I suppose, how can you become focussed?

The answer lies in the title of this article!

Follow
One
Course
Until
Successful

Has this ever happened to you …..

You've planned your course of action and along comes someone with a great opportunity which you just can't refuse. You think to yourself, that's okay, I can do both things at once. And maybe you can, but the reality is that your focus for each opportunity has become halved. It is really easy to set out on one course of action and become sidetracked along the way with another opportunity.

Or, the course of action for your first endeavour becomes a bit tricky, requiring a bit more effort than you initially thought. The result? You become more easily sidetracked! So, what can you do to be focussed and STAY focussed?

A writer friend of mine has heaps of projects on the go at any given time – and wonders why it is she never seems to get anything finished. The answer is simple: her focus is so scattered that she's completely lost it (the focus that is!).

My advice to her has always been to concentrate on one project until she
has produced a first draft, and then move on to the next project. One
day she'll listen to me!

To become focussed on anything – whether it is to become a best-selling novelist, national chess champion, employee of the month etc - you need to begin with the end result in mind. Ask yourself these two questions: What do I want? What do I have to do to get it? The good news is: you don't have to do it all at once!

What you ultimately want to achieve can be broken down into some very simple steps ….

Start with today. This is your current state of mind. What is the one most important thing you can do today, that will assist you in achieving your goal?

When you've identified that one most important thing, it becomes your focus of the day. Having just one focus in a day is much more achievable than having five or six. The rule you must set for yourself is: don't allow anyone or anything to sidetrack you. Remember this, if you lose the focus today, you have already lost focus on the end result.

Give yourself three or four days to get used to the idea of focussing on just one thing. And then ….

Set out the most important thing you want to achieve this week. Write it down. Pin it on a board, tack it to a wall, prop it on your desk – place it anywhere which will catch your attention. These are important steps. The act of writing it down sends a message to your subconscious. Being able to see it every day reinforces your intention to stay focussed.

You will, of course, still have an important focus every day – and each will contribute in some way to your weekly focus.

If the ultimate result is to occur over a long period of time, you may want to set a focus for each month, each quarter, each year, depending on what it is you want.

Which brings me to my next point …

If you want something to happen in a year – go overseas for a month's holiday, for example – then you may want to backtrack. In other words, start by writing down your focus for the year: go on an African safari, for instance, and pin it on your board. Jot down what you need to achieve six months, three months, two months, and one month before you go. Write down what the focus will be for each of the se periods. Work your way back until you come to the present time.

I ALWAYS achieve my goals. Friends see me as a workaholic, when in fact, I am focussed … and driven. I decide what I want, what I have to do to get it, write out the steps and concentrate on fulfilling each step.

The same method will work for you.

And as long as you are focussed, you can be/do/achieve absolutely anything in your lifetime.
So, go out and claim your dreams, you deserve it!

About the author: Barbara Rose is a mentor, coach, teacher and
alternative therapist who specializes in helping people reach their
potential at all levels (spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical).
Please visit www.barbaras-library.com for a complete list of Barbara's
articles and books. You can find out more about Barbara by going to
www.barbara-rose.name.

Ask Empowering Questions

noreply@blogger.com (The White Dove Partnership) — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 23:00:00 +0000

Questions. Our lives are filled with questions. Think about a typical day (for you) … it may start with "What shall I have for breakfast?" You get to work: How are you? (to a colleague) When doyou need this? (to the boss) You go home: How was your day? (to family members) What shall I cook for dinner? The telephone rings: Who's that? What does s/he want? At the end of the day, you fall into bed and ….. the questions probably keep coming as you plan the next day or wonder, Will I ever get to sleep? Like I said, our lives are filled with questions.

Everyday questions like the ones above are neutral, that is to say theyare neither empowering or disempowering. And you'll probably realize as you check off your typical day's questions that most of them are automatic. You don't think about saying, how are you? to a friend or colleague, you just ask.

In our childhoods we asked really important questions like: Why is the sky blue? Can birds fly upside down? And as every mother knows, there comes a time when every conversation with her children is punctuated with Why? and Why not? Children are fascinated by the world around them, they use questions to explore their environments.

When we reach our teens, those years of finding out who we are become years of confusion and doubt. Our questions are no longer centred on our environments, they are centred on ourselves. We ask questions like: Why doesn't he like me? Why is she avoiding me? How am I supposed to …. They are questions which carry pain and
angst – and the answers often become internal messages to describe ourselves: He doesn't like me because I'm not pretty enough, because I'm not tall enough, because I'm too tall, because I have blues eyes, brown hair and a zillion other similar notions.
Those responses now trigger disempowering internally messages, the chief of which is: I'm not good enough for/because/to ….

As adults, our most disempowering questions invariably come through when our relationships are in some sort of trouble. That's when we start asking questions like: What have I done wrong? The problem with asking disempowering questions is that it evokes disempowering responses. Even "Nothing" is unsatisfactory. Our internal messaging systems kicks in to support those responses, especially if our partner or friend says something like: What's wrong with you? The thing is there's nothing wrong with you! It's just that the wrong question was asked.

Think about this concept for a few moments – Disempowering questions elicit disempowering responses. Disempowering responses can be avoided if THE RIGHT QUESTION IS ASKED.

So, what is the right question?

Let's assume you find yourself in a bit of a pickle in a relationship, be it at work, rest or play. Before you open your mouth to ask a disempowering question, ask yourself: What conditions allowed this situation? (instead of How did we get into this mess?)
Don't be surprised if this is the start of a mental Q&A journey! Instead of asking the other person: Why did you …? You'll find an answer will present itself. The question you ultimately ask may be something like: We're in a bit of a mess, aren't we? What can we do about it? No blame is apportioned in this way.

If you're in a spot of bother, and it's not relationship-based, empowering questions you can ask of yourself are:

* What conditions allowed this situation to happen?
* What can I learn from this experience?
* How have I benefited from this experience?

People who live empowered lives don't beat themselves up by asking unempowered questions. If things don't go as well as can be expected, or the outcome of any activity falls short of expectations, they ask questions like: What can I do differently next time? Empowered people recognize that not everything goes smoothly, 100% of the time, they accept the hiccups, explore what happened and resolve to do things differently in the future.

And that's another key concept …. being open to and wanting a change in the situation. Disempowering response: Why do things have to change?! My response to that is: Why not?

About the author: Barbara Rose is a mentor, coach, teacher and alternative therapist who specializes in helping people reach their potential at all levels (spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical). Please visit www.barbaras-library.com for a complete list of Barbara's articles and books. You can find out more about Barbara by going to www.barbara-rose.name.

Is Money Your Friend?

noreply@blogger.com (The White Dove Partnership) — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 23:00:00 +0000

If you believe money would help you achieve an empowered life – or a more empowered life - then you need to make money your friend. I don't know about you, but I spent many years watching my money act like the tide: one minute, it flowed in; the next minute, it flowed out. Sometimes, a tidal wave occurred and I had extra money in my hot little hand. At those times, my thinking was motivated simply by "I 'should' pay the bills" and then mentally I spent the money ten times over on the things I wanted to get for myself. Was money my friend at those times in my life? Definitely not! Is money my friend now? Absolutely!

Forget The Secret and like principles for the time being – the sad fact is that The Secret's principles won't work for you if your belief system is working against them. The way we treat money is rooted in the values, thoughts and beliefs that we have about it. When I embarked on my personal journey of why it was I never seemed to have any money, let alone enough, I had to start at the very beginning – and I would suggest, very strongly, that it is a good place to start for you, too. Where is the beginning? In the family home.

So, before reading on, grab a pen(cil) and sheet of paper. Give yourself just 2 minutes to jot down anything you learnt from your parents about money. This is called a 'speed writing' exercise - a very effective way of accessing the subconscious and forgotten memories.

The only rule to this exercise is simply: don't worry about what you write, or what you think you 'should' write, after all, you only have one hundred and twenty seconds! As a guide, you may write a list of words … or you may have jotted down phrases … or you may be prompted to recall situations regarding money, in which case you may write short sentences. However, because of the short length of time you have in which to do this exercise, you will probably find you concentrate on words and short phrases. All you really need to know is this: the key to this short exercise is not to think about what you write. Just write whatever comes to mind … for a whole two minutes.

Ah, you're back. How did it go? I'm sure you've read your list through. Did you find your eyebrows lift themselves at least once? And how many items were a surprise?

Let me share my experience of this exercise: I realized my mother was the greatest influence on my acquired beliefs about money. She used phrases like 'filthy lucre', 'money doesn't grow on trees', and 'we can't afford it' constantly. She knew exactly – and I do mean exactly, right down to the last halfpenny – how much money she had in her purse at any given time. She had absolutely nothing nice to say about successful people: to have made a large amount of money they must all be crooks, swindlers and con men. I also found that the two minutes I'd invested in the exercise was only the tip of my financial iceberg.

So, on one very wet Sunday afternoon in the middle of winter, I grabbed a notebook and wrote like my life depended upon whatever would be revealed. And in some ways, that was the truth. This exercise was definitely the best thing I ever did. Two hours and five A4 sheets of paper later, I think I covered everything, and believe me when I say, I was really, really shocked at the beliefs I had been acquired. Perhaps the same can be said for you.

Which brings me to the next step … Are you ready for it? Your challenge is to read through the list you made and see how each item you wrote applies to your life right now. You may find some things are glaringly obvious; others not so much. What matters is that you've discovered your core beliefs about money and it's probably rocked your world a bit.

Let's assume that one of the points on your list is the phrase: I can't afford it. (I'm choosing this phrase because it's the most common reason people ensure money stays away.) There's a consequence to saying, "I can't afford it" – the Subconscious takes on board the belief and it then conspires with the Universe to ensure that belief is supported. In other words, they make certain that money stays away (so you "can't afford it"). You can counteract these words by replacing them with ones of power. Simply saying, "I can afford anything I want" for instance, will counteract the negative belief you hold. If you are not comfortable with that, because it doesn't feel right, then add "I choose not to buy it just yet". By giving yourself a choice – to believe or not believe whether you can afford something – is to give yourself power.

Have you noticed how much emotion you use when thinking about the things you'd like but can't afford? Emotion is the fuel of our beliefs. Instead of concentrating on what your money CANNOT buy, acknowledge and be grateful for what you CAN buy. This will help change your negative feelings about money into positive ones.

These couple of tricks worked for me …. I hope they work for you, too.

There's an added bonus to making money your friend - by treating it with respect it loses its hold over you …. Which will free you up to enjoy more of what Life has to offer.

Please visit www.barbaras-library.com for a complete list of Barbara's articles and books. You can find out more about Barbara by going to www.barbara-rose.name.

Reduce Stress ..... Say NO!

noreply@blogger.com (The White Dove Partnership) — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 22:00:00 +0000

Have you ever been asked to do something or go somewhere or 'do a favour' and have wanted to say 'no' but said 'yes' instead? Then you'd be in good company! This simple, two-letter word is one of the hardest words to say!

Sometimes we say 'yes' as an automatic response, without actually thinking through the request and what it may entail. This is especially true if the request has been made by our employer, boss or supervisor. It is just as true if the president of our volunteer group asks. And who can resist a family member?

Most of the time we say 'yes' because we don't want to be seen as selfish or mean. And then we find ourselves overcommitted, overburdened, and stressed to the max. Think about it for a moment or two. Is this you? Have you said 'yes' so often at work that you don't know how you're going to you're your own work done?

Have you agreed to a family member's plans even though they coincide with those you have already made for yourself? And will you, as a consequence, miss out on your own plans? And if that is the case, what are you going to do about it?

Fear of rejection and guilt often underline our desire to please, so by saying 'yes' we take the path of least resistance. We say 'yes' because we want to feel useful. We say 'yes' because we want to avoid a confrontation. And then we feel resentful. If you think about it, if we are doing something for someone else (whether we truly want to do it or not), we have to give something up – for instance, time.

Perhaps you are one of those people whose normal way of dealing with requests is to say 'yes'. Why do you do it? Is it for one of the reasons stated above? Do you feel stressed or resentful because of them?

Perhaps we could all adopt Katherine Hepburn's approach: always say 'no' unless you can find a reason to say 'yes'! No, it's not my approach – but here's the way I cope.

When I am asked to do … to go … to help … to anything at all, I think about it for a couple of seconds. If the request conflicts with something I already have planned, I say, "Sorry, no can do, I have a prior commitment" – and I never tell the other person why. Partly because it's none of their business, and partly because I don't feel a need to justify my actions.

If I really, really, really don't want to do what's asked of me, I say something like, "Look, I'm not sure at this stage, let me get back to you." Believe it or not, while I am deciding, the person
invariably goes off and asks someone else so I don't actually have to say, 'no'!

The truth is, I'm very comfortable in saying 'no', but I understand that not everyone has my confidence. So … Before you accept a request – no matter who makes it of you – stop and think about it. That way, you will be coming from a position of strength, and are more aware of what is required of you or what you have to give up.

Make it a habit.

DON'T SAY 'YES' UNTIL YOU'VE THOUGHT IT OVER.

It's a strategy that will stop you from becoming overloaded at work, or being taken advantage of by friends and family.

"A 'no' uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a 'yes' merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble." Mahatma Gandhi

About the author: For a complete list of Barbara's books and articles, please visit www.barbaras-library.com. To find out more about Barbara's roles as mentor, coach, teacher and alternative therapist who specializes in helping people reach their potential at all levels (spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical), go to www.barbara-rose.name.

How to Prepare for a Meditation Practice

noreply@blogger.com (The White Dove Partnership) — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 04:12:00 +0000

Did you know that meditation has been practised for centuries? A 16th century German prayer observes that silent meditation, that is, the silence of wisdom, enables the gentle movement and depths of God to be heard.

The Buddhist "Book of Numerical Sayings" observes that a mind 'emptied of its encumbering dross' in solitude can find peace. The Hindu "Bhagavad Gita" recommends meditation to achieve tranquillity that finally brings freedom and "oneness with God".

If you are new to meditation, the following guidelines are designed to help.

1. PREPARING YOUR ENVIRONMENT

* Although it is not essential to prepare your environment for meditation, you may find it useful to practise in a special part of your home where you feel relaxed and won't be disturbed.

* Avoid extremes of temperature and draughts.

* Natural or subdued lighting is preferred. (You may like to meditate
by candlelight.)

2. PREPARING YOUR BODY

* Wear loose-fitting natural fabrics for both comfort and to allow energy to flow naturally. (Avoid wearing a belt or tie, tights or shoes.)

* Remove your watch or glasses, if you wear them, as metal can impede energy flow.

* A heavy meal before practice can cause drowsiness; lack of food can lead to poor concentration, and stimulants such as coffee, tea, alcohol and recreational drugs can affect your ability to meditate, so it is a good idea to empty your bladder and bowels before you begin a meditation. (Allow two hours for a full meal to digest and half-an-hour for fluids.)

* If you wish to meditate first thing in the morning, don't roll out of bed expecting to concentrate the mind if you are half asleep! Gentle stretching exercises (remember, you do not want to do anything strenuous so that your heart is racing) will help you to centre yourself, or alternatively, take a shower to freshen up.

* If you are going to meditate when you come home from work, perform gentle stretching exercises to help you wind down, ease stress and exhaustion.

3. PREPARING YOUR POSTURE

(a) Sitting on a chair

* Sit on the front part of the chair with your hips raised above knee height (use a firm cushion if needed).

* Your legs should be shoulder-width apart, and your knees in line with the centre of your feet.

* Relax your shoulders. (This does not mean slump, hunch or be rigid.)

(b) Sitting on the floor

* Traditional meditation positions require the practitioner to sit on the floor which helps 'ground' the energy. Meditation postures such as the yogic Lotus position are ideal but not essential.

* Sit with your legs stretched out in front of your body. Fold your right foot under your left thigh. Fold your left foot under your right thigh. Place your hands, palms down, on your knees. Keep your head, neck and back straight.

* If you want to sit in a cross-legged position on a firm cushion, make sure your hips are higher than your knees and there is no strain on the joints or spine.

When you are comfortable:

* Rest the tip of your tongue on the upper palate on the line between your teeth and your gums. (This helps slow down the output of saliva, preventing continual swallowing.)

* Close your mouth, without tension.

* Close your eyes. However, if you are drowsy and in danger of nodding off, keep them open; if you are agitated in any way, keep them lightly closed.

4. PREPARING YOUR BREATHING

A simple 4-4-4-4 breathing technique will help you become relaxed and centred. Breathe in to the count of four, hold the in-breath to the count of four; breathe out to the count of four, hold the out-breath to the count of four. Three to five cycles should be enough. You'll know you've done too many if you feel light-headed!

5. PREPARING YOUR MIND

It is often difficult for beginners to focus their attention, so here is a simple formula for you to practise.

Think to yourself:

* I detach my mind from my family. I think of them and slowly detach, relax and let myself go.

* I detach my mind from my friends. I think of them and slowly detach, relax and let myself go.

* I detach my mind from my work colleagues. I think of them and slowly detach, relax and let myself go.

* I detach my mind from my work/chores. I think of them and slowly detach, relax and let myself go.

* If you need to think, detach, relax and let go from other things, now's the time to do it.

* I hear no particular sound.

* I have no particular feelings.

Time itself seems to be standing still for a split second of peace and rest.

About the author: Barbara Rose is a firm believer in the benefits of meditation to revitalize body, mind and spirit. Her book "How to Meditate and Relax in Easy Steps" will be available soon.

Please visit www.barbaras-library.com for a complete list of Barbara's articles and books. To find out more about Barbara's roles as mentor, coach, teacher and alternative therapist who specializes in helping people reach their potential at all levels (spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical), please go to www.barbara-rose.name.

Crossing the Abyss

noreply@blogger.com (The White Dove Partnership) — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 01:49:00 +0000

When you talk to people who live an empowered life, you will find them to be happy: very little fazes them and they are relatively placid. They are not just happy with (and within) their world, they are happy with - and within - themselves.

Believe it or not, empowered people accept themselves for who they are, embracing both their good points and their bad points. In other words, they accept themselves for who, and what, they are. It is this that gives them the 'edge' over most other people. Reaching such a point
of self-acceptance is not easy, especially if their upbringing as a child had been one of difficulty, but it is possible.

If you do not feel that you accept yourself – or do not accept yourself as much as you'd like – and want to do so, then one answer lies in the ability to meditate. In the silence of meditation, it is
possible to connect with the inner self. It is a place where problems can be solved.

Meditation allows you to remove yourself from the hustle and bustle of your environment where you spend most of your time living and thinking. It gives you a chance to be silent and connect with the core of your inner being, where wisdom lies in waiting.

Meditation brings inner calm – a calmness which is the key to being outwardly calm, where the pressures of the 'real' world can be overcome.

Empowered people know the value of quiet time, and if it's not through meditation it is through taking time out from their busy lives to be solitary. Alone time is so incredibly important to well-being.

Christian mystics, Buddhist wise men and Muslim prophets have all argued the value of finding time for inward living.

Anne Morrow Lindbergh, widow of aviator Charles Lindbergh, believed self-knowledge was discovered through solitude, saying that 'certain springs are tapped only when we are alone'. She made it a point to find some time each day for quiet contemplation.

It's the 'quiet contemplation' which is important. To most people, meditation requires them to sit in the lotus position and think of nothing. (Have you ever tried to think of nothing? As soon as you say, "I am going to think of nothing, every thought in creation wants to enter your mind!) This is so far from the truth! If you walk along the beach, you will find yourself becoming more relaxed – this is a walking meditation. If you have art or craftwork as your hobby, I'm sure you can become so involved in it that the world disappears and you can forget about it … this is also a form of meditation.

It was Thomas Merton, a 20th century monk, poet and philosopher who wrote: "The most significant voyage of discovery is to cross the abyss that separates us from ourselves." He then posed the question: What can we gain by sailing to the moon if we can not cross the abyss
that separates us from ourselves? What, indeed! Do you think it is time for you to make your own voyage across the abyss?

You do? That's fantastic! Come back soon because I will be giving you some practical hints and tips on how to meditate.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
About the author: Barbara Rose is a mentor, coach, teacher and
alternative therapist who specializes in helping people reach their
potential at all levels (spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical).
Please visit www.barbaras-library.com for a complete list of Barbara's
articles and books. To find out more about Barbara please go to
www.barbara-rose.name.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Say What You Think

noreply@blogger.com (The White Dove Partnership) — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 08:41:00 +0000

Are you a person who says what they think? Or do you put yourself
through mental hoops trying to work out what you should say without
annoying the other person or even hurting their feelings?

The sad fact is that most of us worry way too much about how what we
want to say is going to be received. As a result, we are inclined to
tailor our thoughts to meet the expectations of the person to whom we
are speaking.

I say, 'sad fact' because when we worry about what we want to say,
we are denying a piece of ourselves – and we are being dishonest. We
are being dishonest not only to the other person but also to our self.

Too many people in my past have said they wish they had my courage …
the courage to say what they think.

Funnily enough, I am always surprised by this because I don't believe
it does take courage! I believe in honesty and for me, saying what I
think is just one aspect of integrity. That doesn't mean for one
moment that I intentionally hurt people. If giving an honest answer is
going to hurt someone's feelings, I invariably temper what I say.
(See what I mean – we are inclined to tailor our thoughts to meet the
expectations of the person to whom we are speaking!)

I wouldn't, for example, tell my best friend that her hideous new
dress looks great on her. I'd probably say something like, "Well,
it's interesting!". At this point, though, I should point out that
my best friend likes to drag me to the shops when she wants to buys
something for a special occasion because, "I can rely on you to be
honest!"

Meetings are one of the worst places to be. Too many people are
reluctant to express an opinion, especially if it is counter to the
current thinking in the group. Instead of saying what they think,
people are inclined to say absolutely nothing at all. Are you one of
those people?

Personally, I can think of nothing worse than leaving a meeting where
agreements were reached that I disagreed with … but did not voice my
opinion.

Seething about it only expends negative energy – and life's too
short to engage in this type of activity!

A couple of months ago, I had to renew my car licence. This particular
government office has chairs, so seven of us waited patiently for our
turn. The lady sitting next to me started talking, saying she'd been
waiting for almost an hour.

Just a couple of minutes later, a young woman walked in, went up to the
empty counter and was served immediately. Wow! The tension in the
little office became so thick, so quickly, that a chainsaw would have
been needed to cut through it!

Did anyone say anything? No! Did they all sit scowl, grimace and
mutter unrepeatable words? Of course.

Personally, I wasn't worried - I had just told my neighbour that I
couldn't afford to wait for an hour, and had decided to leave and
return the following day.

Naturally, as she'd been waiting so long, she let rip about how unfair
it was that the young woman had been served.

And my "Why don't you say something?" was met with the frostiest
glare I've received in a very long time.

When you choose not to say what you think, you are giving away your
personal power. You are allowing another person/other people (depending
on the circumstances) to take something which is not theirs.

Take it back!

Saying what you think is NOT being offensive; it's being honest.

About the author: Barbara Rose is a writer with a passion for
everything! She is also a mentor, coach, teacher and alternative
therapist who specializes in helping people reach their potential at all
levels (spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical). Please visit
www.barbaras-library.com for a complete list of Barbara's articles and
books. To find out more about Barbara please go to
www.barbara-rose.name.

Having a Credo to Live By

noreply@blogger.com (The White Dove Partnership) — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 21:54:00 +0000

It would be true to say that behind every successful person is a credo
by which they live – a personal statement of beliefs, principles or
opinions which shapes their lives and moulds their destinies.
To adopt a credo is to tell the world that your life is special … that
you are special … and by having one you truly empower yourself.

I guess my own personal credo is: Never give in and never give up.
I don't know exactly when I decided this would be my life statement,
but I can tell you it was a firm aspect of my life by the time I reached
my mid-teens.

Was my family an influencing factor? Certainly – but not for the
reasons you think! I come from a family of losers. They were people
who blamed everyone but themselves for all misfortunes, large and small.

Everything was put in the "too hard" basket unless the outcome was
a guaranteed success and little or no effort had to be expended in order
to achieve the outcome. Is it any wonder I spent two years thinking
I'd been adopted?

By the time I started high school (at the ripe old age of eleven) I had
already decided I didn't want to be like my parents. I determined to
be more disciplined than they, to be proactive instead of reactive, and
to be positive about life instead of negative. As a result, I became
the black sheep of the family BUT I invariably get what I want.

My best friend's father (when I was a teenager) had a favourite
expression: "No point in having a rudderless ship". I often
wondered if he had been a sailor! His daughter was a very focussed
person: when she decided what it was she wanted, nothing stood in her
way. She was organized, prepared to do anything (well, almost anything)
and above all, she was patient.

Family doesn't have to be the major influence when writing your own
personal credo. You could find it in literature, for example.
A friend of mine was (and probably still is) a William Shakespeare nut.
I swear the woman could recite every soliloquy The Bard had penned! Her
credo was based on a speech from her favourite play – As You Like It.
Perhaps you know it: "All the world's a stage, and all the men and
women merely players. They each have their exits and their entrances
….."

This speech became her "I am the main player on the stage of my
world" credo. Sometimes she dominated in the lead role (when she
wanted to be the centre of attention or be noticed in some way) and
sometimes she chose a supporting role.

She enjoyed rewriting the script by which her life played out – and I
can tell you now, life around her was never boring!

Katherine Hepburn, actress and woman extraordinaire, found her credo –
"Listen to the song of life" – cut into the stone mantel of the
house where she lived as a child. And she was certainly a woman who
lived life to the full, wasn't she.

At a seminar I recently attended, the facilitator said, "Whatever it
takes. I will do, whatever it takes." He then wrote the phrase on
the board, thereby telling us all that we should also be prepared to do
"whatever it takes". Unfortunately, during the weekend he showed
himself to be a man of little integrity: his "whatever it takes"
included lying to get business and bending the truth to get people on
side.

On the other hand, a friend of mine has adopted "Whatever it takes –
within reason" as her statement for empowerment. I'm not quite sure
what causes the after-thought ("within reason") to be activated!

If you want to live life on your own terms, you need a credo to live by.
A (positive) statement which encourages you in the down times, keeps
you on track in the difficult ones, and helps you achieve your goals and
dreams.

So, the question is: What is your credo?
And how does it impact on your life?

Happy Birthday!

noreply@blogger.com (The White Dove Partnership) — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 22:54:00 +0000

If there's one thing that every person on the planet has in common,
it's this: on any given day in any given year, someone, somewhere,
will be celebrating their birth day.

No matter where you live in the world, a few million people all over the
globe will be sharing their special day with you.

And it is a special day. It is a celebration of the day you were born
– and there is no one else like you in the world. You are unique.

Empowered people look forward to their birthdays – every single one of
them! They look forward to other people's birthdays as well because
it is a way of giving. (Empowered people are givers not takers). Yes,
I admit it, I am one of those people who makes a Big Deal when a friend
or family member's Big Day approaches.

Birthdays are important. You are important. And if you ever doubt
that, consider this: if you ever get lost in the bush, the mountains or
anywhere else for that matter, a horde of strangers would be out looking
for you. Do you think they would be giving up their precious spare time
if they didn't think you were an important human being?

I have met many people during my life who do not celebrate their
birthdays, people who consider the day to be just like any other day in
the year – and, without exception, each of those people had been
disempowered in some way. They didn't believe they were important
enough for the day to have any special meaning.

How do you feel when your birthday is approaching? Do you look forward
to it with glee? Or do you wish you could open your eyes and find
you'd slept for more than twenty-four hours?

When it's my birthday I always treat myself. And I do that by not
going to work. Whenever I've been on contract or temp assignments, I
have made it clear that I would not be working on whatever day my
birthday occurred. When I owned my first business, each of my staff
members were given their birthdays off so they could celebrate in any
way they liked. No one should have to go to work on their birthday!

An empowered person knows that downtime is especially important for the
soul and a birthday is a perfect day to experience it … and indulge!
What is an indulgence for you? Having a lay-in? Taking a long bubble
bath? Perhaps it is a time for you to catch up on a book you've been
meaning to read …. or going to the cinema to see the latest movie …
or shopping … or … I'm sure you get the general idea. You should
do whatever it is that makes you happy.

Of course, the trick to enjoying the day is not to feel guilty about
taking the day off from whatever your normal day happens to expect of
you. Like I said, you are important, so you are entitled to one day in
a year when you can do something nice for yourself.

I'm sure there are a number of people who rely on you – children,
partners, family members, for example – and I'm also sure you do
nice things for them. Consider yourself one of them just for the day,
and you won't feel guilty at all!

Living an empowered life requires you to spend time in reflection,
preferably throughout the year. You could, however, be empowered once a
year if you treat yourself on your birthday.

So when your next birth day comes around ….. Enjoy!

About the author: Barbara Rose is a mentor, coach, teacher and
alternative therapist who specializes in helping people reach their
potential at all levels (spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical).
Please visit www.barbaras-library.com for a complete list of Barbara's
articles and books. To find out more about Barbara please go to
www.barbara-rose.name.

Choices

noreply@blogger.com (The White Dove Partnership) — Thu, 07 May 2009 00:15:00 +0000

This article is going to be a fair bit different this time. I want to
share a story with you – a story I received by email not once, but
three times (!) in the past week.

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves children with
learning disabilities, the father of one of the students delivered a
speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After
extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question:
'When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature
does, is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as
other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do.

Where is the natural order of things in my son?'

The audience was stilled by the query.

The father continued. 'I believe that when a child like Shay, who
was mentally and physically disabled comes into the world, an
opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes
in the way other people treat that child.' Then he told the following
story:

Shay and I had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were
playing baseball. Shay asked, 'Do you think they'll let me play?' I
knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their
team, but as a father I also understood that if my son were allowed to
play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some
confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.

I approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting
much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said,
'We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess
he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth
inning.'

Shay struggled over to the team's bench and, with a broad smile,
put on a team shirt. I watched with a small tear in my eye and warmth in
my heart. The boys saw my joy at my son being accepted.

In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs
but was still behind by three.

In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in
the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously
ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to
ear as I waved to him from the stands.

In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now,
with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on
base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.

At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance
to win the game? Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew
that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to
hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.

However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing
that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's
life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at
least make contact.

The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The
pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards
Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow
ground ball right back to the pitcher. The game would now be over.
The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily
thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that
would have been the end of the game. Instead, the pitcher threw the
ball right over the first baseman's head, out of reach of all team
mates.

Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, 'Shay, run
to first! Run to first!' Never in his life had Shay ever run that far,
but he made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed
and startled.

Everyone yelled, 'Run to second, run to second! Catching his
breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to
make it to the base. By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the
right fielder had the ball .. the smallest guy on their team who now had
his first chance to be the hero for his team. He could have thrown the
ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's
intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over
the third-baseman's head.

Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him
circled the bases toward home. All were screaming, 'Shay, Shay, Shay,
all the Way Shay'. Shay reached third base because the opposing
shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base,
and shouted, 'Run to third! Shay, run to third!' As Shay rounded
third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet
screaming, 'Shay, run home! Run home!'

Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero
who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team.
'That day', said the father softly with tears now rolling down his
face, 'the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and
humanity into this world'.

Shay didn't make it to another summer. He died that winter, having
never forgotten being the hero and making me so happy, and coming home
and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

Would you have made the same choice if you were the pitcher and his team
mates? Are you confident enough in your life that you can freely –
and unconditionally – empower someone less fortunate than yourself?

Ego plays a very small role in an empowered life … what role does
yours have in your life?

About the author: Barbara Rose is a mentor, coach, teacher and
alternative therapist who specializes in helping people reach their
potential at all levels (spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical).
Please visit www.barbaras-library.com for a complete list of Barbara's
articles and books. To find out more about Barbara please go to
www.barbara-rose.name.

Breaking Free

noreply@blogger.com (The White Dove Partnership) — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 02:26:00 +0000

It isn't easy breaking away from the beliefs that have held you back,
especially as you probably picked them up from your parents when you
were a child. And it isn't easy turning your back on a toxic
relationship because of the emotional input a relationship requires.
BUT there are a couple of tips I can give you to help make the
transition easier if you've taken action.

Let's consider beliefs first.

How did you reach the conclusion that the beliefs you had were limiting
you? Did you write down a list, for example, and decide they were wrong
for you?

If not, do it now.

Head up the sheet with your limiting belief, eg What I learned about
money, and make a list.

Perhaps you grew up with "money doesn't grow on trees" or "money
is the root of all evil" (this phrase is a distortion of 'the love
of money is the root of all evil', and doesn't actually refer to
money itself), or money being referred to as "filthy lucre".

Perhaps your mother knew exactly how much money was in her purse at any
given time of the day or night. Perhaps you believe it is a bad thing
for someone to have money, especially a lot of money, and that people
with money can't be trusted.

Maybe you've been led to believe that to be a success you have to be
prepared to stomp on others – and the more successful you are, the
more manipulative you must be.

Once you start making your list, you may be surprised at the results –
I know I was! The first time I did the exercise on my beliefs about
money, I filled three complete pages of limiting beliefs which I'd
learned from my parents.

The sad fact is that our parents are largely responsible for most of the
negative thoughts and feelings we have about the way we feel about
money, success and our sense of self.

Step 2 of the exercise is to indicate next to each item on your list
where those beliefs came from.

I hope you have come to the realization that the beliefs you have ARE
NOT YOURS! They are someone else's beliefs which you have taken on
board as your own.

And this will, in a majority of cases, be true for every single negative
belief you have.

The next thing you need to do is acknowledge that the beliefs your
parents had were probably handed down to them from their parents. Once
you do this, you desire to lay the blame for your negative, limiting
beliefs on your parents, will dissipate. In short, your parents are NOT
TO BLAME!

There is something really important you need to know about money ... it
is an energy. It comes in and it flows out, just like the tide. If you
can accept that money is an energy, it longer becomes 'good' or
'bad'.

Step 3 of the exercise is to write a list of the beliefs you want to
have about your topic. For every negative/limiting belief you have,
write a positive one.

Then type (or write) your new list of positive items, and put it on a
wall at home (or office) where you can read it every day.
It won't take long for your subconscious to accept them .... and then
you will start accepting them at a conscious level.

What about the toxic relationship you've just left?

Firstly, you are probably feeling really miserable and experiencing a
sense of loss – and why shouldn't you, after all, you're only
human aren't you.

A lot of emotional energy is expended in a relationship, and you
certainly can't be expected to bottle up the emotions as if nothing
has happened. In fact, it's worse if you do, because one day you'll
explode like a volcano – and that's no good for anyone.

Make a list of all the good things about the relationship. Yes, I
realize that most of the good times probably happened early in the
relationship! Why do this? Because you need to hold on to the good
memories.

It's a really tragic situation when all anyone can remember about the
ex is the bad stuff. One assumes you got together in the first place
because of something good, right? Remember them – and you'll find
the bad memories will start to recede.

You'll also discover something else – the fault doesn't lie with
just one person, so you'll be able to accept some of the
responsibility for the relationship ending – which is not the same as
saying "It was all my fault because ...." – and you'll also stop
making excuses for your partner.

It takes a tremendous amount of courage to walk away from a bad
relationship, especially a long-term one – and to be honest, I have
little sympathy for people who stay in their bad relationships. Why
wouldn't they want the very best relationship possible, with all that
a terrific relationship can give? And how can they do that if they
allow fear to keep them bound to a person they'd rather be away from?

Empowered people are courageous (in more ways than one), they don't
mind taking risks and their fear factor is very low.

If you've broken free, you are on the road to discovering this for
yourself!

About the author: Barbara Rose is a mentor, coach, teacher and
alternative therapist who specializes in helping people reach their
potential at all levels (spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical).
Please visit www.barbaras-library.com for a complete list of Barbara's
articles and books. To find out more about Barbara please go to
www.barbara-rose.name.

Don't Delay, Take Action ... Now!

noreply@blogger.com (The White Dove Partnership) — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 21:37:00 +0000

I went to a marketing seminar recently where the facilitators posed the
question: What is your hourly rate at the moment? That question was
followed up by this scenario:

You have been told by the doctor that you have an absolutely incurable
disease and that you will be dead within seven days. Just as you come
out of the doctor's surgery, in shock, your boss phones to say he
wants you to come to work for four hours. You tell him why you can't.
And his reply is, "Okay, but I need you. You're the only one who
can fix the problem. I'll pay you anything you want." How much
will you charge him for your four hours?

The moral of the story is this: what makes your time worth less is
because you don't know when you are going to die.

This story can be applied to just about everything, but as this blog is
about living an empowered life, we shall only refer to that.
What stops you from doing what you want to do … or being you want to
be?

How are you going to feel if tomorrow is your last day on this earthly
plane and you hadn't done half of the things you wanted to do … or
you hadn't become the person you wanted to be?

Here's your quick exercise …..

Grab a sheet a paper and write down three things you would like to do
before you die, and three things you would like to become.
It's a simple exercise isn't it!

Now, let's see if accessing your subconscious will give you the same
result.

You are going to do a speed writing exercise, for reasons which will
become very obvious in a minute.

Grab another sheet of paper and divide it into two columns. Head the
columns with 'Things I want to do' and 'The person I want to
be'.

Give yourself just three minutes to list items in the first column, and
a further three minutes to list items in the second column.
Because it is a speed writing exercise … you are not to stop and think
about what you are going to write, you are to just write! This will
allow you to access your subconscious and bring to the forefront those
things that are most important to you.

The second part of this exercise will take a little more than three
minutes a column. Read through your lists and choose the three items
from each list which are the most important to you. Take your time and
make deliberate choices.

Were you surprised at the results? Did you have the same three items
for both exercises? They don't have to be, you know. If you've
been following this blog you will know that what we think we want (the
conscious level) is often different from what we really want (the
subconscious level). The fact is, most people will find that at least
one thing will be different.

Put the list somewhere safe, because you may want to refer to later.

Okay, now for The Big Question: when do you intend to do them? (You
are going to do them, aren't you?)
When will you take your first step on the journey to get them?

I'm quite sure it will be evident to you that in order to achieve your
"To do's" and "to be's" you may have to change in some way
in order to achieve them.

Are you willing to make the necessary changes?

You can start the process today … tomorrow … next week … next
month or even next year. BUT as you don't know when you are going to
die, it's worth starting the process straight away, isn't it.
And that's one of the basic practices of empowered people. Not
wasting time.

Time. It's our most precious commodity – even more precious than
money! Empowered people know that.

Of course, you could choose do absolutely nothing! You may wish to make
the necessary changes but lack the discipline to start the process.
If you want to be an empowered person, and live an empowered life, you
will need to change that attitude! Nothing is achieved by wishing.

The simple fact is this: change, any change, is a choice. And now, the
choice is yours.

So, empower yourself. Don't delay, take action … now!

About the author: Barbara Rose is a mentor, coach, teacher and
alternative therapist who specializes in helping people reach their
potential at all levels (spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical).
Please visit www.barbaras-library.com for a complete list of Barbara's
articles and books. To find out more about Barbara please go to
www.barbara-rose.name.

A Winning Attitude Is Important

noreply@blogger.com (The White Dove Partnership) — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 13:33:00 +0000

Attitude is described by the Collins Dictionary as ".the way a person
views something or tends to behave towards it, often in an evaluative
way'' and although it's a fair definition, it doesn't take into
consideration feelings and emotions. No matter what our personal
philosophy happens to be, it is our emotional nature which dictates how
we conduct ourselves in both our personal and business lives.

Whatever has happened to you in the past will be coloured by the way you
felt at the time … and how you have felt (in all probability) about it
since. Those feelings contribute to the way you react now.
To live an enriched life, it's important to understand this. Why"?
Because how you feel can either stop you in your tracks or inspire you
to take action on any given day.

I'm sure that if you think about it for a few minutes, you'll be

able to recall one negative experience which still affects you – in a
negative way – even now. It's more than likely that if you were to
recount the incident, you'll use the words, "I felt …"

The same can be said about positive experiences. If you were to tell
someone about any positive experience from your past, again, you will
probably use the words, "I felt ..." in the conversation.

It is worth remembering that however your body reacted at the time is
exactly how your body will react when you trigger the memory. Let me
give you an example from a seminar I facilitated: I asked everyone to
close their eyes and remember a time when they had been embarrassed.
Without exception, each person went bright red as they remembered the
circumstances.

Memories are potent reminders to our emotions.

It should be obvious therefore that emotions have the capability to
dictate future fortune or future disaster.

It is these collective feelings, accumulated from every positive and
negative incident and event in your life, people you have know in your
personal and work lives, your finances, and how you interact with the
world around you, which attitude.

How have you been affected by your feelings? Do you have a 'can do'
attitude or are you always 'going to'? With the right attitude you
can move mountains, realize your dreams and achieve your goals. With
the wrong attitude dreams and goals are crushed before they have a
chance.

Attitude is extremely important to success and happiness. Having the
right attitude guarantees you a good life.

Since everything in life affects everything else, you certainly don't
want an attitude which is going to have a detrimental affect on your
quality of life. That's why it's a good idea to take stock and
examine your feelings every now and then.

Here's a quick exercise for you …..

Take a couple of minutes to jot down those areas of your life which
could do with some improvement.

When you've done that, examine your feelings about each of item
you've written down.

Can you identify why it is you have those particular feelings?

Our lives, yours and mine, are governed by the same formula – the
feelings we have affect our current attitude … and our current
attitude determines the quality of our lives.

In short, the feelings we have determine the quality of our lives.

Attitude is a major determining factor in how your life turns out … so
if your life isn't what you want it to be, you need to examine your
attitude.

The two most important questions you can ask yourself are these:

1. What sort of attitude do I have?
2. How can I improve it?

And believe me, there is always room for improvement!

About the author: Barbara Rose is a mentor, coach, teacher and
alternative therapist who specializes in helping people reach their
potential at all levels (spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical).
Please visit www.barbaras-library.com for a complete list of Barbara's
articles and books. To find out more about Barbara please go to
www.barbara-rose.name.

Are You Brave Enought to Step Outside Your Comfort Zone?

noreply@blogger.com (The White Dove Partnership) — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 08:02:00 +0000

Here's a very quick exercise to kick off this article: for the next
two minutes make a list of everything you want in and from, Life. Money
is no object, so feel free to really let loose.

Okay? Here's step two: check off the three things you want the most.
Step three (okay, so maybe it's not such a quick exercise, after all!)
– what would it take for you to get all three things?

And the clincher: would you be prepared to do it?

If you are like the average person, you had absolutely no problem with
steps one and two; the third step would have made you feel a little
uncomfortable, and the fourth, well, the fourth probably had you running
for cover.

It's really easy to say, "I want this" and "I want that" but
the difference between the haves and the have-nots is ACTION.
There are two kinds of people in this world: those who talk about what
they want and those who do something about it. The second group take
action.

Why don't more people take action? Why is it that so many people are
perfectly happy in being miserable? And they must be happy in their
situation, otherwise they'd be doing something about it, wouldn't
they.

Why is it that people choose to stay stuck? Because they are in a
comfort zone, and it's too much of a risk to step outside it.

They hold on to their fears and insecurities in much the same way a
child holds onto a security blanket.

Will these people ever have an empowered life? Probably not.

Perhaps you are wondering what causes people to react this way, either
because you don't understand it, or because this is the situation in
which you find yourself.

It could be any number of things, and each of those things has something
in common – negative emotions, for example: resentment, anger,
hostility, mistrust, suspicion, and carry grudges.

Of course it takes courage to step outside the comfort zone.
Of course it takes courage to take a risk and do anything which does not
resonate with the state to which you have become accustomed.
BUT
Isn't it worth the riches and rewards which await you?

People don't step out of their comfort zone because of fear. Fear of
what? you may ask. Fear of anything-and-everything is probably the
answer. Fear of the unknown (the "I might fail" philosophy).

[Note: if this is you, please read There Is NO Such Thing As Failure]
Fear is limiting. Fear holds us back. Fear blocks our progress. And
yet, people insist on holding on to it tightly, refusing to let it go.
In short, fear has become a security blanket.

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." Franklin D. Roosevelt,
first inaugural address, 1933.

Fear is future-based. The feelings fear generates are firmly rooted in
the future. Don't believe me, then consider this:
You are out in your garden when you see a lion approaching (because
finding a lion coming into your garden is such a common occurrence
isn't it!) What happens is that your body gets an adrenaline rush as
it prepares to fight or flee (the fight and flight response). Why? At
this particular moment you are not in any danger. At this precise
moment, you can see the lion but it hasn't attacked you. And in this
now moment, the lion has not threatened you in any way and yet, you are
afraid. You are afraid of WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN. The feelings you have are
because of something that might happen in the future.
And then, without warning, the lion changes its mind and leaves.
So, you did all that worrying for nothing, didn't you :-)

Okay, so it's an extreme example. However, the message it contains is
not.

We put a lot of energy into what might happen, we lose sleep over what
could happen, and lose sight of what is actually happening in the
here-and-now.

Do the thing you fear; and the death of fear is certain." Ralph Waldo
Emerson, philosopher.

Can you be like Franklin D. Roosevelt or Ralph Waldo Emerson?
Are you ready to face your fear?

Are you brave enough to step outside your comfort zone?
If the answer is yes … read on.

To get the better of fear, follow these simple steps:

1. Get comfortable. Play soothing music. Relax and take a deep
breath.

2. It's time to let fear know who's in charge – you! Don't
ignore the fear you have about having an empowered life, own it.

Name out loud any fear which are bugging you. For example: I am afraid
of being on my own. I am afraid of losing my independence. I am afraid
of being broke. I'm sure you get the general idea.

There's strength in vocalizing the fear, because once you bring it to
the front and out in the open you are better able to take charge of it.
Strengthen it even more by acknowledging that the fear you are feeling
is about something in the future.

3. Relax and take another deep breath.

4. Free-write about each fear. It can be why you are afraid, or even
what you are going to do about it. Whatever angle you choose is the
correct one for you to follow at this exact moment in your life.
Remember, when free-writing you do not stop writing. If you don't
know what to say, write that – you can always delete the gobbledegook
when you've finished.

These four steps bypass the ego – that side of you which feeds on your
fears – and help access the spiritual side of you – the side that
gives you insight.

Are you brave enough to step outside your comfort zone?
Of course you are!

Do you want to step outside your comfort zone?
Only you know the answer to that.

About the author: Barbara Rose is a mentor, coach, teacher and
alternative therapist who specializes in helping people reach their
potential at all levels (spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical).
Please visit www.barbaras-library.com for a complete list of Barbara's
articles and books. To find out more about Barbara please go to
www.barbara-rose.name.

Whatever It Takes!

noreply@blogger.com (The White Dove Partnership) — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 11:52:00 +0000

I have just been told by someone I know that after reading my last
article (Who Influences You?) and completing the exercises, she became
quite sad. It seems that if she wants to have an empowered life (based
on what I wrote) she will have to say goodbye to all of them.

That to me was a sweeping statement because, surely, one of them
received a tick or two. Apparently not. They do not inspire or
motivate her, most of them are not optimistic and few could be called
generous of heart. And when she delved a bit deeper she found being
pessimistic and judgemental, complaining and ridiculing others were the
most common traits they exhibited.

So, what is she to do?

I asked her what she intended to do about her situation and she replied:
"I know what I should do." Of course, there's no such thing as
'should' is there J (see There's No Such Thing As Should) but what
she has effectively said is this: "I know my situation isn't the
best for me but I probably won't be doing anything about it".
And she wonders why her life leaves a lot to be desired! If her life is
a playground, then she spends all her time alternating between the
seesaw, swings and roundabout – up and down, back and forth, round and
round – in a never-ending cycle.

Perhaps you find yourself in the same situation. You know a lot of
wonderful people, but deep down the greatest claim to fame for most of
them is that they are good for a laugh.
Is it enough? Of course not.

So,what are you all to do?

My answer is simple: Whatever it takes! And that is based on the
assumption that you truly want an empowered life.

The bottom line is that you will do whatever it takes if you truly want
an empowered life. If you want to be happy and successful, able to
manifest your dreams, achieve your goals, and be in good health, then
you will do whatever it takes to empower your life. And if that means
saying goodbye to all those people holding you back, then take that
tough decision and say goodbye. You will be so glad you did.

It's all a question of energy, you know. The higher the energy you
have personally, the more of a magnet for good things you become. When
you associate with people of low energy - pessimists and judgemental
people, for example - what you become is a magnet for bad experiences.
As a magnet of bad energy, you will attract situations and events to
test your willpower and resolve. These situations and events are really
quite positive, no matter how dark they make your life. Without them,
you don't have the opportunity to heal and move on to better things.
This is why so many people find themselves in the same situation over
and over again.

If the thought of saying goodbye to people you've known for a while is
a difficult one, then practise the art of limited association. This, of
course, is not easy if the person you need to get away from is your
housemate! (In which case, perhaps it's time to find somewhere else
to live.)

Limited association means spending as little time as possible with
whoever it is you need to avoid. Avoiding them lessens the influence
they have over you and that, is definitely a good thing.

The question I have to ask is simple: why on earth would you not want
all the good things life has to offer you?
So, are you prepared to do whatever it takes?

About the author: Barbara Rose is a mentor, coach, teacher and
alternative therapist who specializes in helping people reach their
potential at all levels (spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical).
Please visit www.barbaras-library.com for a complete list of Barbara's
articles and books. To find out more about Barbara please go to
www.barbara-rose.name.

Who Influences You?

noreply@blogger.com (The White Dove Partnership) — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 13:08:00 +0000

If we want to live an empowered life, we have to consider the people
with whom we associate. Why? Because they are a major source of how we
feel about ourselves and what we do. Our friends and associates either
help us achieve a better life … or they don't! There is no middle
ground, so it pays to take a survey every now and again to see whether
the people you associate with are having the 'right' influence on
your life.

Here's your first exercise ….. grab a pen(cil) and a sheet of paper,
divided into two columns. Head the first column with 'name' and the
second with 'why'.

Make a list of all your friends (relatives don't count), but make sure
you leave a couple of lines between each name.

When you have done that, use the second column to list three reasons why
each person is a part of your life.

First and foremost, your friends should INSPIRE you.
Place a tick next to each reason in your 'why' column that meets
this criterion.

Secondly, your friends should MOTIVATE you.
Place a tick next to each reason in your 'why' column that meets
this criterion.

Thirdly, your friends should be OPTIMISTIC (this shows they have a
positive attitude to life).

Place a tick next to each reason in your 'why' column that meets
this criterion.

Fourthly, your friends should be GENEROUS towards other people (this
shows they have a good heart).

Place a tick next to each reason in your 'why' column that meets
this criterion.

How do your friends stack up at this stage? Has anyone scored a perfect
four? If so, that's fantastic – and just the person you want to
keep in your life.

Is there anyone on your list who hasn't scored at all? Hmmm, if
that's the case, you might want to seriously consider the reasons why
you call them 'friend'.

People do, of course, have negative attributes such as: pessimism,
complaining, being judgemental and ridiculing others. These are NOT the
traits you want your friends to have. In short, these are not the sort
of people with whom you want to be associated.

Check your list – does anyone on it exhibit any of these attributes?
If so, you might want to seriously consider why you want to call them
friends.

The sad fact is that we have all probably made friends with people whose
attitudes and habits are detrimental to our personal goals of health,
wealth and happiness.

Your success is possible, in part, to those in your inner circle. Yes,
they are nice people BUT if the effect they have on your life isn't
the absolute best then you may have to make some difficult choices.

I have always been of the opinion that if a person doesn't enhance my
life in some way, then I don't want them in it. If for some reason,
someone has to be in my life, then I ensure I spend as little time as
possible with them.

When I first decided to surround myself with people who had a great
attitude, I found myself in the situation of having to make difficult
decisions. However, I am so glad I did.

What I found is that when I allowed each negative person to leave, I
left a space that a positive person could fill. The Universe works in
mysterious ways!

The same is true for you. If you want to have a truly empowered life,
one filled with abundance and success, you can't allow others to be
bad influence. The effect these people have is detrimental to your
goals.

So, the question you need to ask yourself is this: do you need to walk
away from anyone on your list?

A difficult, perhaps almost impossible decision to make? Quite possibly
– especially if you have known a person for years.

Remember, your friends influence you – and the influence can be either
positive or negative. So, who do you allow to influence you?

About the author: Barbara Rose is a mentor, coach, teacher and
alternative therapist who specializes in helping people reach their
potential at all levels (spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical).
Please visit www.barbaras-library.com for a complete list of Barbara's
articles and books. To find out more about Barbara please go to
www.barbara-rose.name.

Look for the Good

noreply@blogger.com (The White Dove Partnership) — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 13:08:00 +0000

In my last article (7 Golden Rules for Empowerment), I said it was
impossible not to be a positive thinker if you followed the golden
rules. The great thing about having this sort of outlook is that when
Life does take a bit of a dip, you'll find something about the
situation to smile about.

Let me explain by giving you a quick exercise ….. think about the most
miserable time of your life, a time when something happened that, at the
time, made your whole world seem blacker than the ace of spades.
Now, here's a question for you to answer: What was the most positive
outcome of that event?

Here's an example from my life: when my sons were aged about eleven
and nine, we had a car accident – which put me in bed for almost two
months. A black time, definitely, BUT – all the stories I'd ever
made up for my boys finally made it to paper … and that started me on
the path of being a writer. A great result!

I have found this to be a truth throughout my life. No matter how dark
things seem to be, there's always a great result …. eventually!

So, back to the exercise – did you find a positive outcome develop
from your most miserable/sad/upsetting time?
Positive outcomes, by the way, can be just about anything. If your
long-term relationship breaks up, the outcome could be that you learn to
stand up for yourself. Very often, relationship break-ups allow us to
grow … in self-esteem, in self-confidence, and self-respect.
Like me, you may have found yourself on a new career path.

As a positive thinker you will always be able to find something good in
the bad, and something positive in the negative – even if it isn't
obvious at the time!

I hope you've come to realize at this point that being positive
isn't just an attitude, IT'S A WAY OF LIFE.
Just think what a world we could be living in if everyone lived a
positive life. No-one would have anything to complain about, for a
start!

There are a couple of interesting side effects to being a positive
person – for one, will always see the good in people. And if you
can't see it immediately, you'll actively look for it.
When you see the good in people, you help bring out the best in them …
and they will reciprocate with the way they deal with you. It's a
win-win situation for everyone!

The second is that you empower each and every one of the "Golden
Rules" – and the more you empower them, the more positive you
become. The more positive you become, the more you empower the Golden
Rules. The more you empower the Golden Rules ……
It's a great roundabout to be riding!

I found a great poem by William Arthur Ward entitled Look for the Good
and Praise It – which encompasses the sentiments of the Golden Rules.
I hope you like it, too.

In everything the good is there; our goal is to find it.
In every person the best is there; our job is to recognize it.
In every situation the positive is there; our opportunity is to see it.
In every problem the answer is there; our responsibility is to provide
it.

In every setback the victory is there; our task is to claim it.
In every adversity the blessing is there; our adventure is to discover
it.

In every crisis the reason is there; our challenge is to understand it.
Be different, be original, be unique …
Look for the good and praise it!

About the author: Barbara Rose is a mentor, coach, teacher and
alternative therapist who specializes in helping people reach their
potential at all levels (spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical).
Please visit www.barbaras-library.com for a complete list of Barbara's
articles and books. To find out more about Barbara please go to
www.barbara-rose.name.

7 Golden Rules for Empowerment

noreply@blogger.com (The White Dove Partnership) — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 01:10:00 +0000

If you want to be empowered, both in your self and your life, you need
to develop a winner's attitude.

Now, I would be the first to say that it's not easy – especially if
your self-esteem, self-confidence and self-respect have taken a bit of a
beating. BUT if you can follow the golden rules below, I can guarantee
that you will be a healthier and happier person. You will be in control
of, and have power over, your life.

First and foremost – NEVER GIVE UP. Yes, Life has habit of throwing a
curve ball when we least expect it. And yes, there are times when the
going gets tough. These are the times when your resolve is tested –
and the question you have to ask yourself is this: Can I ride this out
until the going gets better? Because it will get better, believe me.

The second golden rule is an extension of the first: ALWAYS PICK
YOURSELF UP. There will be times when something you set out to do falls
flat. That's when you have a choice: you can either fall down in a
heap and stay there, or you can pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and
start all over again. And it will be easier the second time around
because now you are armed with the information of what not to do!

The third golden rule is an extension of the second: BE FLEXIBLE.
Never giving up is not the same as being stubborn! If you have a
winner's attitude, you will recognize that there is more than one way
of doing things, more than one solution to a problem. Sometimes, you
just need to be creative. To paraphrase Einstein: You cannot solve a
problem with the same mentality that created it. Flexibility is the
key. Be willing to try other methods.

Which brings me to the next golden rule: ACKNOWLEDGE YOU ARE NOT
PERFECT. Once you do that, you allow yourself to create learning
opportunities without falling in a heap. Here's my challenge to you
– name three people that you consider perfect. Can you do it? I
expect not. The truth is, every person we know has at least one flaw
– and sometimes it's that flaw which endears them to us. The trick
for you is to respect your weaknesses – they are part of what makes
you, you. And if you really don't like a weakness, do something about
it!

When you do do something about it, you will be well on the way to
following the next golden rule, which is: ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR
YOUR LIFE. You created the life you had, have and will have. If you
have a wonderful life, I am sure you could credit someone else for you
being where you are. You've probably heard at least one person say,
"If it wasn't for So-and-So, I wouldn't be/have …."

Technically, this is not true. So-and-So may have offered advice and
helped, but did you have to take them? No, of course not. The fact
that you did, makes YOU responsible not someone else.
The same is true if your life sucks. If you've created the
non-perfect life for yourself, no-one else is to blame – so there's
no point in saying, "If it hadn't been for So-and-So, I could have
done/been ….."

Did you know that only 24% of the population actually take
responsibility for their own lives? The other 76% blame someone else
for their misfortunes.

If you take responsibility for your life then you can SAY GOODBYE TO
FATE AND LUCK. Fate can't be blamed for your learning opportunities
(remember, there is no such thing as mistakes), neither can luck be
responsible for your successes. The blame and kudos are all yours!

Put all these golden rules into a bowl, mix them up, and you will get
the most important golden rule of all: BE A POSITIVE THINKER. It's
next to impossible not to be a positive thinker if you are following all
the above rules. Being a positive thinker is the fuel that powers you
into action and helps you achieve success (in whatever way you define
success). And once you become a positive thinker, fear will no longer
have a place in your life.

Many years ago I cross-stitched a sampler with the words: I think
thinking positively is positively the only way to think.
Yeah!

About the author: Barbara Rose is a mentor, coach, teacher and
alternative therapist who specializes in helping people reach their
potential at all levels (spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical).
Please visit www.barbaras-library.com for a complete list of Barbara's
articles and books. To find out more about Barbara please go to
www.barbara-rose.name.