Can you have low self-esteem and high self-confidence, or vice versa? Hmmm. Well, I have known people who, when in a social situation flatly refuse to open their mouths and yet, in a business environment are the most self-assured people you could meet. Generally speaking, though, self-esteem and self-confidence tend to go hand-in-hand.

The problem with low self-esteem is that it can be very debilitating. It can stop you from even trying something new … for fear of failure. And if you are afraid to get started, how can you become good at it?

Consider these self-esteem issues:

* No appreciation of what you can do.

* No recognition or respect for your own abilities, potentials and value.

* Placing no importance on your strengths and not trusting in them.

* No acceptance of your limitations.

* No acceptance of these limitations or understanding that some limitations can be overcome.

* Being worried and concerned with what you imagine others think of you.

* Having no real sense of who you are.

Perhaps I should point out here that EVERYONE has self-esteem issues at some point in their life! However, if you have personal power, you will also have more than your fair share of self-esteem and self-confidence.

So what is it that determines whether or not we have high self-esteem? Our childhoods. Self-esteem begins with the responses that we get from our parents, siblings, teachers and peers when we're growing up.

Those responses are tied into our sex: boys are praised for their achievements, and so they grow up with a sense of self based on how well they master tasks; girls are praised for pleasing others, and so they grow up with a sense of self based on how well they establish and maintain relationships.

As you can see, it is relatively easy for a child to grow up with either a very high, or very low, sense of self. The child then becomes an adult who carries a belief system which may be entirely unfair.

The responses to which children are subjected as children are largely responsible for irrational beliefs - the largest contributors of low self-esteem. They are:

* I must be loved, or at least liked, and approved by every significant person I meet.

* If I am to be worthwhile, I must be completely competent, make no mistakes, and achieve in every possible way.

* Some people are bad and wicked and they should be blamed and punished for this.

* It is dreadful, nearly the end of the world, when things don't go how I'd like them to.

* Unhappiness, including mine, is caused by factors outside my control, so I can do little about it.

* If something might be unpleasant or frightening, I should worry about it a great deal.

* It's easier to put off something unpleasant or difficult than it is to face up to it.

* I need to depend on someone stronger than myself.

* My problems were caused by events in my past, and that's why I have problems now.

* I should be very upset by other people's problems and difficulties.

Is self-esteem really important? Of course!

High self-esteem allows you to cope with whatever comes along. It gives you the skills to face whatever happens in your life.

High self-esteem gives you the courage to try new things and a willingness to "have a go".

High self-esteem allows you to make good judgements and decisions – and not worry about what other people might think or say.

If you are reading this because you don't have any self-esteem, then let me assure you it is possible to develop it! That's personal experience speaking, by the way. I grew up with less than zero self-esteem thanks to my parents, became a teenager with zero self-esteem thanks to being good at sport (so the self-confidence developed) BUT as an adult, I resolved to change. Truly, that's all you need … the resolve to change.

If you are resolved to change, then check out my next article because I will be giving you some guidelines.

If you are a parent who would like to boost the self-esteem of your children (or even somebody else's), then some tips will appear in a week or two …. so please come back.

Just remember this: someone's opinion of you does not have to become your reality.

About the author: Barbara Rose is a mentor, coach, teacher and alternative therapist who specializes in helping people reach their potential at all levels (spiritual, emotional, mental and physical).

Please visit www.barbaras-library.com for a complete list of Barbara's articles and books. Or go to www.barbara-rose.name to find out more about Barbara and her services.

Barbara Rose
mailto:barbara@barbara-rose.name

snailmail to: PO Box 85, Melton
Victoria 3337, Australia

Ph: 61 4 3864 5287