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Parents do the best they can with the tools they have. This is such an old saying and very true! When we become parents we look to our own for ideas and we make certain decisions: yes, my parents did this-and-that well, I'm going to do it too; no, my parents did such-and-such and I hated it – I'm never going to do that to my children! Ah, yes, we set out with the best of intentions, don't we. The problem for us as parents, is that we can destroy a child's self-esteem without even knowing we are doing it. We can set up a belief system which will haunt that child right through adolescence and into their adult years. Let me give you an example…
When my youngest boy could toddle around he was the biggest klutz in the universe. If anything could be knocked over, he knocked it over. Nothing was safe while he was around. Then, one Sunday afternoon, after I'd almost yelled, "Don't go near that, you'll break it!" I realised with a shock that I often said it to him. Well, actually, if the truth be told, it wasn't often, it was all the time! I resolved, then and there, never to tell him again that he was clumsy or something would break if he was even so much as in the room with it. And you know what – he stopped being a klutz. I learned a valuable lesson that afternoon. Years later, while at teacher's college, we covered Self-Fulfilling Prophesy in one of our units. Essentially SFP means this: whatever you believe you are, you are. So, by constantly telling my lad that he was clumsy I was laying the groundwork for a belief system that would have resulted in him being a super-clumsy adult – because that's what he believed himself to be.
Without questioning what you do, I offer you a few tips, parent to parent ….
1. Praise your child often. Recognition builds self-confidence and self-esteem – which in turn will earn them praise from others (very important). Children need to show how competent they are to their families, friends, school mates and teachers.
2. Make a point of finding one th! ing ever y day which will enable you to praise your child.
3. Give your child chores to do … then reward and praise for jobs well done!
4. Do not make impossible demands on your children – and that includes leaning too heavily on them for support.
5. Introduce your child to experiences in which they can succeed – it will teach them confidence.
6. Let children do things for themselves. One of the hardest things to do as a parent is step back and watch children make mistakes. If you accept that a mistake is just a learning experience, your youngster(s) will become very self-assured.
7. Give your children lots of opportunities to make decisions … and help them to become responsible for their choices. (My children were making their own decisions at 18 months old when they knew which clothes they wanted to wear – not my choices, by the way! They were told they could have whatever they wanted from particular racks – which fitted in with my financial constraints at the time.)
8. Gently encourage children to face their fears, one at a time. Once they overcome their fears, not much can stand in their way. You will have given them the foundation for facing fears in their future. (You may need to ask yourself whether the fears your youngsters are theirs … or yours.)
9. Have regular time alone with each of your children. Every child needs dedicated one-on-one time with their parent(s) in order to feel special.
10. Make a family decision to raise the levels of everyone's self-esteem. Take positive steps to make it happen!
Here's to a new generation of self-empowered people!!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * About the author: Barbara Rose is a mentor, coach, teacher and alternative therapist who specializes in helping people reach their potential at all levels (spiritual, emotional, mental and physical). Please visit www.barbaras-library.com for a complete list of Barbara's articles and books. Or go to www.barbara-rose.name to find out more ab! out Barb ara and her services. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * |
