Sometimes we say 'yes' as an automatic response, without actually thinking through the request and what it may entail. This is especially true if the request has been made by our employer, boss or supervisor. It is just as true if the president of our volunteer group asks. And who can resist a family member?

Most of the time we say 'yes' because we don't want to be seen as selfish or mean. And then we find ourselves overcommitted, overburdened, and stressed to the max. Think about it for a moment or two. Is this you? Have you said 'yes' so often at work that you don't know how you're going to you're your own work done?

Have you agreed to a family member's plans even though they coincide with those you have already made for yourself? And will you, as a consequence, miss out on your own plans? And if that is the case, what are you going to do about it?

Fear of rejection and guilt often underline our desire to please, so by saying 'yes' we take the path of least resistance. We say 'yes' because we want to feel useful. We say 'yes' because we want to avoid a confrontation. And then we feel resentful. If you think about it, if we are doing something for someone else (whether we truly want to do it or not), we have to give something up – for instance, time.

Perhaps you are one of those people whose normal way of dealing with requests is to say 'yes'. Why do you do it? Is it for one of the reasons stated above? Do you feel stressed or resentful because of them?

Perhaps we could all adopt Katherine Hepburn's approach: always say 'no' unless you can find a reason to say 'yes'! No, it's not my approach – but here's the way I cope.

When I am asked to do … to go … to help … to anything at all, I think about it for a couple of seconds. If the request conflicts with something I already have planned, I say, "Sorry, no can do, I have a prior commitment" – and I never tell the other person why. Partly because it's none of their business, and partly because I don't feel a need to justify my actions.

If I really, really, really don't want to do what's asked of me, I say something like, "Look, I'm not sure at this stage, let me get back to you." Believe it or not, while I am deciding, the person
invariably goes off and asks someone else so I don't actually have to say, 'no'!

The truth is, I'm very comfortable in saying 'no', but I understand that not everyone has my confidence. So … Before you accept a request – no matter who makes it of you – stop and think about it. That way, you will be coming from a position of strength, and are more aware of what is required of you or what you have to give up.

Make it a habit.

DON'T SAY 'YES' UNTIL YOU'VE THOUGHT IT OVER.

It's a strategy that will stop you from becoming overloaded at work, or being taken advantage of by friends and family.

"A 'no' uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a 'yes' merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble." Mahatma Gandhi

About the author: For a complete list of Barbara's books and articles, please visit www.barbaras-library.com. To find out more about Barbara's roles as mentor, coach, teacher and alternative therapist who specializes in helping people reach their potential at all levels (spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical), go to www.barbara-rose.name.