We use it when we think we ought to be going somewhere or
doing something that we don't want to do. That's why there's a
huge problem with the word - it implies having no choice in the matter.
And, quite simply, that is not the truth.

How many times have you said, "I should do this" or "I
should do that" and "I don't really want to do it but I think I
should"? If you are like most people, you probably say it quite a
bit.

Quick five-minute exercise number one: grab a sheet of paper
and a pen(cil) and divide your page into three columns (the third column
can be quite narrow). If you are now thinking there are three parts to
this exercise, you'd be right!

Make a list in the first column of all those times you've
done something or been somewhere – not because you wanted to, but
because you 'should'.

Ready for the second part of the exercise?

Head the second column with "How I felt". Next to each
incident/event jot down how you felt about going wherever-it-was or
doing whatever-it-was.

Done that? Then let's do the third part.

Scan down your list of should's and feelings, and in the
third column place a tick against any items which generated a POSITIVE
response from you.

Hmmm, I bet it looked pretty grim! Believe it or not,
that's exactly the result most other people will have, so you
certainly won't be alone.

The object of the exercise, of course, is to point out that
when we do something because we feel we 'have' to and not because we
'want' to, it generates negative feelings … and in some cases,
resentment.

Quick five-minute exercise number two: jot down the last
three times you used the word 'should'.
This can be quite revealing. I had a client whose last three
times had all occurred the day before she saw me (which was first thing
in the morning). Before our session was over, she had used it at least
four times.

The point is … are you one of those people who uses
'should' all the time? Has it become a habit and therefore you
don't notice its use?

I'll let you into a little secret ….. empowered people NEVER
say should.

My dictionary (Collins) defines 'should' as: the past
tense of shall: used as an auxiliary verb to indicate that an action is
considered by the speaker to be obligatory.

That definition gives you a sound reason to avoid using
'should' in your vocabulary. Obligation.

An obligation binds you on moral grounds. It's something
owed in return for a service or favour, a service or favour for which
you are indebted.

Look back at the list you made in exercise one. Did you
go/do what's on your list because you felt you had some sort of debt
to repay?

The same applies to the second exercise, the last three
instances of using should – did you think you owed someone?

It's interesting to note that when someone does something
for us, we invariably feel like we have to repay the favour at some
point in the future. And yet, when we do something for another person,
we don't expect them to feel obligated in any way!

The bottom line is this: if you feel you obligated in any
way, repay the debt with a smile and do so WILLINGLY.
For one thing, the focus changes from negative (I have to do
this) to positive (I want to do this).

Secondly, you empower yourself. Because if you are not
prepared to do "whatever" then you can say 'no'.

So, the next time you find yourself saying 'should', stop
immediately and ask yourself, why you are saying it.
Is it because you feel obligated to someone? If so, is the
obligation justified? If it is, become a willing participant in the
action/event.

Remember, 'should' implies you do not have a choice.
Become empowered and choose to eliminate the word from your
vocabulary as soon as possible.

Here's to an obligation-free life!

About the author: Barbara Rose is a writer with a passion for
everything! She is also a mentor, coach, teacher and alternative
therapist who specializes in helping people reach their potential at all
levels (spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical). Please visit
www.barbaras-library.com for a complete list of Barbara's articles and
books. To find out more about Barbara please go to
www.barbara-rose.name.