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I learned a very valuable lesson in the last couple of weeks. I had been doing some inner work in regards to my need to be validated by my environment. I thought I was making some real headway in facing and letting go of this need. But, after the experiences of the last two weeks, it was made painfully clear to me that I still have miles to go before I can actually say with honesty that I have faced and "embraced" my demons in regards to this matter. I spent a good part of my childhood and early adulthood struggling with seeing myself through the eyes of others and letting them dictate what and who I was. And as this "habit", for want of a better word, has become so intrenched in my psyche I have a tendency to default back to it without even realizing that I'm doing it. Well, the Universe sent me the biggest wake up call recently. It literally sent into my life everyone and anyone who could mirror this tendency. And, they weren't sent one at time mind you. No, these individuals were sent into my life collectively, much as an army descending on some unsuspecting village.At first, the aftermath of all this sent me spiralling. I started to sink into a depression and wondered if might be bipolar seeing as how I just been on my own natural high for weeks prior to this. I wallowed for a few days, then realized that I wasn't doing what I had been suggesting in my own articles here on this site. Boy! Talk about feeling like a fraud! So, I once again was compelled to go within and trust my own higher intelligence. It took just a little while and the impressions and insights started pouring in. The Universe really is ready to serve at a moment's notice. The trick is that we be ready for the help that comes. I resisted what came through at first. It was contrary to the energies I had been picking up from the "soldiers" that had invaded my life. Acknowledging and making the shift was uncomfortable at first. Now, the universe being a vibrational "being" appeared to me to be an understatement. Through the insight I had started to receive, I quickly became of aware of the these energetic power plays I had been involved in. As I was coming into these tug of war games with my own insecurities and self-doubts, so too the other "players" were doing the same. While I was playing out the drama of my own emotional baggage, they in turn were playing out theirs. We just didn't know at the time that we were using each other in this manner. This is where that term I've used repeatedly in these articles became crucial. The term I'm referring to here is "awareness" or in my case "SELF-awareness". In turning outward and getting caught up in environmental stimuli, I lost touch with both the inner work I had already started and my connection to my own higher guidance. Fortunately, that inner guidance is always waiting for us to tune int and tap into its unlimitied intelligence. Having said all of this, I realize now that all the players in my drama were pretty much in the same boat as me. Here is a direct example of "like attracting like." And now, that I am returning to my own center and understanding the dynamics of what caused such an imbalanced shift in my own life, I am intending here to take heed of the lessons that I am meant to learn from all this emotional drama trauma. And, at the same time, I hope that maybe I helped the other "players" to advance farther toward their own healing. I realize that this probably didn't happen directly. But hopefully in some indirect energetic way, I maybe affected them for their own greater good. I am a prime example that no matter how much we try to be perfect in our own imperfections, we are still here to learn and to grow. And, its each other that offers both the opportunity and the template in which to do so.
Until Next Time,
AudreyLynn
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