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We have all met people who are so well adjusted that we have to wonder if they really are, or they're just projecting a learned ease to the rest of us. Then, we have all met people who are so awkward or hostile socially that like in the movies, we want to spout the old cliche, "who hurt you?!" to them.
Those feelings start out in childhood. If we feel loved and accepted for who we are, then we are secure and happy with who we are. If we are scolded and critized for who we are, then we feel that we are unworthy of love and acceptance which leads to insecurity and unhappiness.
Different childcare histories are a fairly reliable predictor of future security and attachment in relationships. Here are some issues that we all face in the world and what the best choices are for children who have the best outcomes in these areas.
Compliance with authority figures and rules:
The lowest scores here comes from children who were in low-quality child care situations starting at younger than 12 months of age.
The best scores here come from children who entered high-quality child care as an older child of at least 3 years of age.
Self-regulation of behaviors and emotional responses:
The lowest scores here come from children who were in low-quality child care situations starting at younger than 12 months of age.
The best scores here come from children who entered high-quality child care as an older child of at least 3 years of age.
Difficulty with peers:
The highest scores here, meaning the highest amount of difficulties with peers, came from children who entered low-quality childcare before the age of 12 months.
The lowest scores here, meaning the least amount of difficulties with peers, came from children who entered high quality childcare as an older child of at least 3 years of age.
Distractibility:
The most distractible children entered high quality child care as an older child of at least 3 years of age.
The least distractible children entered high quality child care when less than 12 months of age.
Task orientation:
The least task oriented children entered low-quality child care when less than 12 months of age.
The most task oriented children entered high-quality child care when less than 12 months of age.
Being considerate of others needs and emotions:
The least considerate children entered low-quality child care when less than 12 months of age.
The most considerate children entered high-quality child care when an older child of at least 3 years of age.
Hostility levels:
The most hostile children entered low-quality child care when less than 12 months of age.
The least hostile children entered high-quality child care when an older child of at least 3 years of age.
The study was done in 2002 and took in to consideration enrichment, one on one time with the children, activities available, class or room size, division by ages with appropriate toys/activities, emotional support of children, and appropriate discipline. In-home and day care centers were both studied. These behaviors were observed and children were questioned as well as adult care givers to obtain scores in a positive or negative 1-4 ratio.
So, overall we see that indeed, you do get out of a child what you put into them. That's why it is SO important to put love, peace and compassion into our children so that that seed we sow, will be what our future societies will reap. No matter what age you have to put, or decide to put your children into another's care, you can moniter that and even do "damage control" if need be. The parental relationship is THE most important one of all that predicts the child's behavior.
If your caregiving reality was not a good one, you can go back and examine that and heal those points with your inner child so that the person who is taking care of them now, you, is the loving, caring, accepting caregiver that you deserve. It's only too late when you can no longer think. Then, you can be the loving, caring and accepting parent to your own children that they deserve.
Your reality really is what you make it.
Until next blog!
Love, Angelia
amsc363@cs.com
www.worksofheart.bravehost.com
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