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How to deal with others?
Do you trust people to do the right thing, or are you always watching and waiting for them to slip up so that you can say, "AHA!" and then punish them for letting you down?
What you ask of others, is it reasonable or have you sent them on a quest for the Holy Grail, that they can't possibly accomplish for you?
Do you let people know that you are disappointed in their "failures" in a calm and nice manner, or do you break out the verbal paddle and let them have it?! Have you called anyone a name that you wouldn't want to be called? Have you yelled at anyone? Have you disrespected anyone? Of course you have. We all have. It's time to stop that now, though, if you want to be effective in your communication with others.
Do you expect others' to just know what you want or need without telling them? That's a recipe for failure. Most of our ESP is on the fritz. You have to be clear about what you mean before people can understand you, of course, they have to actually be listening to hear you.
We all know people who are "steamrollers" and just run roughshod over everyone else to get their needs met. It's o.k. to be firm and specific about your needs, but it's not o.k. to get them met to the detriment of others.
If we want others to treat us with respect, we must show them the way. "Do as I say, not as I do" won't work. Relationships don't work without respect between the partners. Are you willing to negotiate in a relationship for compromise or common ground? Can you be flexible and include others' interests in your plans, or does it all have to be your way or the highway? You will not be able to socialize happily until you can treat others with the respect that you want for yourself. If you can't bring yourself to do this, be prepared to be lonely. It won't take long for everyone to cut you out of their life. No one likes to be treated like a second class citizen in their own life.
If we treat others as vehicles to accomplish our means then we are "users". People won't put up with that for long. Once someone feels used by you, it will be a long time, if ever, before they will trust you again. You will almost have to turn over a new leaf and show only emphatic, positive behavior before anyone will believe that you care about them at all.
We should all follow the golden rule and be fair in all of our dealings with others. Appropriate behavior should always be used when we deal with others. Each situation we experience with others will call for different tact, social norms, expectations, rules, compassion and emotional response. It is up to us to be there and present and on the ball for them and for ourselves.
I offer a parenting workshop and coaching so that parents can learn how to instill these behavior traits in their children, and maybe go back and tweak their own relationships with others. If you are an effective parent, you can give your children the wonderful gift of being in a crowded room and feeling 100% secure in who they are.
I have heard that you get out of your children what you put into them, and that is mostly true. Of course, there are always exceptions and some people may have more organic problems that lead to antisocial behaviors. Sometimes a quick visit to a psychiatrist can ease the anxiety that so many people feel around others. Adolescence is the only time that we should be expected to be a social wreck. I forget the exact hormonal numbers on the subject, but in the transition from child to adult we can be literally driven crazy by our hormones. Women in pregnancy and menopause as we know can also be, well, hormonal. The numbers on the male-menopause theory haven't been satisfactory for most scientists, but there is a drop in testosterone that can cause some men problems. Sometimes we need help to figure out why we just can't seem to function socially. A therapist or coach is a good place to start.
We are meant to be social creatures. It is how man has survived, next to our intellect, without fangs, claws and horns. There is strength in numbers and if we want to be our strongest, we need other people to help us and to help. It's that simple.
Until next blog!
Love, Angelia
amsc363@cs.com
www.worksofheart.bravehost.com
gtown.healinghouse@gmail.com
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