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So, we've talked about how human reality is complicated! It's enmeshed in multiple environments at the same time! All of these environments link together in our consciousness to form our own individual reality. Each one, though it operates independantly, affects the others.
Things change. Our roles change from children to school-children to young adult to parent. These changes effect how people think about themselves and how others think of us. Changes effect how we act in any given situation. The introverted child may grow up to be a very outgoing parent. Changes effect how we are treated by others. As adults we are given freedoms that children can only look forward to.
At some point in development, if we have allowed ourselves to do so, we realize what our values are. The things that we are "hard core" believers in and can not be wavered from. That is the starting point in creating your own reality. To know what you believe in. If you have been in survival mode and have just been running with your head down trying to find safe ground, then you may not have had a chance to have gotten a glimpse of those things yet.
In my practice I use the butterfly analogy. We start out as caterpillars. We need to feel full and dry and safe. Only when we negotiate that stage can we move into the contemplative state that most people reach in their adolescence, our cocoon. That's where we try on the world and see "who" we are and want to be. When we know who we are, then we can break our self-imposed shell, come out into the world, test our wings until they are hard enough to carry us, and fly out into the world to do what makes us who we are.
If you're not there yet, my advice is to start with a list of your strengths. Go back into your childhood in school. What did you get praise for from teachers or other students. What gave you joy? Write everything down that you can think of, seriously. Start at the first age you remember being and go year by year writing down everything that others told you that you did well, or anything that gave you joy. You'll probably have to go back and pencil more in as you give yourself the freedom to remember the good things and blessings you've known, more will pop up spontaneously.
In doing this you will get a broader view of your development. If you grew up in a negative environment you will need this to negotiate your caterpillar stage to make yourself feel safe and loved. Some people can do this on their own and some people feel that they need a coach or therapist to talk them through it. Either way is o.k., as long as you do it if you need to! Otherwise you will never be able to find your own reality and create the life that you want. You can't be you if you don't know who you are.
Until next blog!
Love, Angelia
amsc363@cs.com
gtown.healinghouse@gmail.com
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