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Methods of discipline that have been favored by parents have changed alot in the past forty years.
In the 1960's "Time-Out" was almost unheard of! Now a little under half of parents use it as their first resource. It gives the child a chance to calm down and think about what they did and gives the caregiver the opportunity to walk away before they get angry. If any of you watch "Supernanny", then you know that it's best started from the beginning at age two or three, otherwise it can become an ordeal having to put the child back into time out time after time before they accept that they are not going to be allowed up from that spot until they "serve their time". I joke with my kids using that old commercial saying that if you can't do the time, don't do the crime!
Lecturing is still about the same. If done in a loving and compassionate way, it can be very effective, but if done in a hurtful and shame inducing manner, it can be disastrous to a child's self esteem.
Spanking has dropped to a little more than 10% of the population using that abusive technique. I would like to see that go to 0%. Spanking is humiliating and can lead to injuries if done in anger. I have seen children with whelps and bruises from spanking. Violence begets violence and it IS a proven fact that children who are spanked are more likely to hit their peers. Spanking can escalate to outright abuse. If you watch the news at all, then you have seen the same heartbreaking stories of children severely injured or killed from their caretakers' fit of rage. Physical punishment is a two edged sword. A child under age two can easily be removed from a misbehavior and removal from the situation is the recommended discipline for that age. If they are physically assaulting you, remember that they are babies and not responsible for their behavior yet, they can easily be put to bed until they calm down. If you hit them back, that kind of makes you a baby too, doesn't it? Older children need discipline, and time out is a good 1st strike technique.
If misbehavior continues, or as the child gets older, taking away of television privilages works well! It was actually more commonly used forty years ago, before t.v. became such a good babysitter. The parents of the sixties knew what a treat that magic box was, and that removal of that show that took their child somewhere else for that half hour or more, was a real incentive to not repeat the offending behavior! You just have to be consistant. I use it as strike 2!
Grounding has come more into play as children now have social schedules that rival some adult's! The loss of freedom to socialize or engage in extra-curricular activities can be a big incentive to not repeat an offending behavior. Again, consistancy is the key there. That's my strike 3, yer out!
Scolding is not that effective because as we know, it's all too easy to just tune someone out who is giving you heck.
Taking away allowances only works in cases where there is a substantial allowance to be had and can be used instead of grounding or prior to it.
Good parents know that discipline is not about domination, but about teaching your child how to grow up and be a functional member of society. You ARE in charge! If you feel like you are trying to prove to your child that you are in charge, then you haven't realized that. You're responsible for that little person until they are eighteen years old and beyond, so yeah, what you say goes. You can lovingly show them that by responding to inappropriate behaviors with loving and compassionate discipline that teaches them rather than just leaves them feeling powerless and humiliated. Abused children often grow up to be abusers, or totally shy away from punishment. Authoritarian parenting is proven to lead to maladjustment in social functioning. Permissive parenting can lead to adult-children who are selfish and can't have a functional relationship. The middle ground of authoritative parenting is the proven way to go. There should be boundaries and discipline and explainations should be provided as to why a certain behavior is unacceptable. "Because I said so" does not cut the mustard. Again, if you feel that you have to prove that you are in charge, means that you're insecure in the fact that you are. Whenever one of my teen age boys tests my authority a little too aggressively, I remind them that they came out of my belly, not the other way around, and until they're eighteen, I have to do what I think is best for them, even if they disagree with my opinion or methodology.
Research shows that the way we are treated in the realm of discipline greatly effects our behavior as adults. Authoritarian's children are aggressive, rebellious and can become violent themselves. Permissive's children are not ready for the responsibilities and social decency that grown up life demands of them. By respecting our children enough to go the authoritative middle ground, you'll be surprised at how they'll return that respect to you by being cooperative, helpful and good citizens of our world. They know by your teaching why things are important or unimportant and won't still be trying to shake your yoke or be still dependant on you because they don't know how to rely on themselves. So, do your kids a favor and start them out right with love and compassion, remember it's not easy growing up, so that their reality will be a one of optimum social functioning and a love and respect that they know that you cared enough to respect them and teach them life's important lessons in a loving, compassionate way. It will start their reality out on a good foot and make their transitions through life stages SO much easier! Children ARE our future! What kind of future world do you want to live in?
Until next blog!
Love, Angelia
amsc363@cs.com
gtown.healinghouse@gmail.com
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