Enneagram Type 4 – The Tragic Romantic

These people see their lives as a kind of tragedy. They are constantly living in the past and feeling that life has somehow passed them by. They fundamentally feel that something is missing as they cannot seem to accept the ordinariness of their everyday lives. However, they do tend to like being the centre of attention.

Also called the individualist, they have clear values and standards and are very sensitive. When this sensitivity is used positively, they are sensible, perceptive people aware of the needs and wants of their fellow human beings. They make very loyal friends and show great compassion for other people. They make great teachers as they have the ability to inspire others, even to greatness.

But when used negatively, this sensitivity translates into highly strung, touchy people who can be very difficult to live with. They can be quick to delegate responsibility for everything including their own lives as they get easily bored with “normal” things. They want the “romantic dream” but often lose interest when it actually becomes available.

Past relationships become more “perfect” as time passes and the current relationships pale in comparison. They cannot see that their current life would make them happy if they just accepted what they had.

Some questions to ask if you think you may be a four:

  • Are you locked in the past examining relationships that might have been?
  • Do you tend to gravitate towards the dramatic side of life – clothes, food, and people?
  • Do you often experience so many different emotions that you are not sure what you are feeling and become overwhelmed?
  • Do you suffer a sense of loss or abandonment even when in a close nurturing relationship?

Tips to try to minimize the negative aspects include:

  • Mourn a past relationship but make sure you can let it go. Stop dwelling on and reinventing the past.
  • Work on reducing the dramatic tantrums and learn how to control your mood swings.
  • Recognize the merits of your current life and partner.
  • Use your sensitivity to help others deal with their pain whilst building a support network to comfort you when you need it.

You can minimize your introspective behavior and feelings of discouragement and concentrate on loving yourself and using your natural abilities to show compassion and help your fellow man.

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