Staying calm when facing a problem has everything to do with the situation I described earlier. Remember when you were trying to ignore the phone letting it simply ring all it wants. The same principle works for the 99% of all stressful situations. It doesn’t mean that you have to ignore the problems completely, just sitting and waiting for it to disappear. No, you’ll have to deal with any problem that comes your way. Only you have to do it when you are emotionally unattached and your mind is as clear and calm as possible. When you act under stress, your mind is anxious, your nervous system is strained, you can’t possibly make the right decision.

I realize that it sounds very good, but we all know how hard it can be to keep your mind cool, especially when you are unprepared and caught “off-guard”. In these situations I suggest you delay your reaction before acting in stressful situation.

Remember Scarlett O’Hara from a novel “Gone by the Wind”? She was usually saying, “I won’t deal with it today. I’ll deal with it tomorrow.” That way, by delaying her reaction, she way able to find strength and take care of herself and the whole family in spite of war, fire, illnesses and unrequited love. By delaying your reaction you are breaking a habit-forming cycle.

I’m sure that you have heard a simple advice to count till ten when you need to calm down. It is based on the same principles and is quite useful on one condition.

You should count v e r y s l o w l y practically procrastinating your reaction that is tightly connected with the muscle tension. Counting till ten will take your mind of an unpleasant situation for a while and give you some time to relax. If your muscles are completely relaxed you’ll never feel angry or scared.

Now, how can you relax if you are under stress? The most important step is to take control of your breathing. On a physical level, the breath plays a major role in this as it levels the heart rate into a smooth beat and oxygen is delivered on a regular supply to the brain and around the entire body. Breathe deeply and slowly from your diaphragm (your belly, not your chest).

Delaying your reaction even for ten seconds can be a big step towards erasing your conditioned reflexes and creating new ones.

Another important condition for every one of us to feel in control is to feel secure. You need to feel protected and safe only then you are able to deal with the problems efficiently. But where to find that security in our stressful, hectic lives?

A great Roman emperor Mark Aurelius said, that people are constantly looking for some kind of shelter (it may be a house on the beach, a villa in the country or a nice cottage in the mountains), but it is in any persons power to find that same shelter inside.