Dealing with Difficult People

Who are they?

No matter what you do or where you go, if you mix with people you will have to learn at some point to deal with the difficult ones.

Some people are always difficult whilst others are 'pushed' to behave in a thorny manner due to some form of stress adversely affecting their behaviour.  Most of us have caused other people problems at some point in our lives. We all have days where we got out of the wrong side of the bed.  We spend all day making others wish we hadn’t bothered to get up! 

Some individuals don’t realise they are behaving badly – it is just the way they have always been.  But others are difficult on purpose as it gives them a sense of power over their fellow men.  This is especially true in the workplace where difficult people will try and influence other staff members to do something they would rather not do.

The good news is that we can learn how to deal with difficult people thus making life more enjoyable and productive for all of us.  Contrary to what some people believe, behavioural patterns and your individual response to them are learned behaviour.  You cannot blame your genes nor can you blame your parents – well perhaps a little bit as we shall see. Ultimately you determine how you react to difficult individuals.    The good news is that you can train yourself in how to deal with these people.  The “difficult” person can also be retrained but it may not be necessary.

I am not suggesting that you try and change someone else – that would be a waste of your time and resources.  The person who needs to change is you.  Training yourself in the art of communication and body language will enable you to deal with any tricky person who comes your way.

Before we continue, it would probably be wise to define what we mean by the term “difficult people”.   That may be an aggressive motorist, a subservient employee or a rude shop assistant.  Or it may be somebody who is causing you problems at work as you cannot get a task completed due to their indecisiveness.

There is no one classification that would be appropriate.  Quite simply a difficult person is one whose behaviour gives someone else, or as it often the case a group of people, a problem.

Who is to Blame?

In order to deal effectively with other people, you first must understand yourself.  Unfortunately most people spend more time observing other people or watching the TV.  The idea that we should be continuously examining and developing our own identity completely passes them by.

We are a product of our upbringing. Most bullies whether at school, in the workplace or on the sports field have themselves been bullied at some point in their life.   Usually they have a very low opinion of themselves often feeling inadequate in some way.  They think it is a weakness to show this vulnerability so they hide it under bluff and bluster. They make themselves feel better, at least in the short term, by causing misery to others.

It is easy to blame our parents and our upbringing but it is a cop –out.  As soon as you accept 100% responsibility for yourself, the sooner you will be successful dealing with others.

We all have had issues of some sort in our childhood – everyone has some story to tell. No parent is handed the 100% correct guide to parenting when they have a baby.  A lot of people suffer at the hands of their often well intentioned parents.  For example, if your parents were overprotective then you are quite likely to be afraid of your own shadow.   This doesn’t do a lot for your sense of self worth.  Or perhaps your parents always told you that you were stupid or just ignored you.   Or your parents may have demanded very high standards of achievement which leads you to expect the same from yourself and your colleagues.