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Room 101 is a TV Program in which invited guests are asked to reveal their worst nightmares. I am slowly turning into a grumpy old man and so I have decided to make my Room 101 list just in case I ever get invited to take part.
Here it is …
1. Chewing Gum
My top item - chewing gum should go right into room 101 because it is all over the streets. There should be a heavy tax imposed on the stuff - at least an additional #1 per packet - to cover the cost of cleaning it up.
2. Baseball Hats
There is something ridiculous about wearing the things when you are not playing baseball. The heavy peak is designed to shield the eyes from the sun, so it is even more ridiculous to wear them back-to-front.
3. Skateboards
Except for the delight in seeing teenagers fall off them while trying to flip them over, they serve no useful purpose whatsoever.
4. Curly Endive
Nobody knows what it is or where it has come from. Why has this stuff emerged to decorate our luncheon plates in recent years? Something needs to be done because the species appears to be out-competing the native lettuce.
5. Cardamom
These little irritations completely interfere with otherwise enjoyable eating experiences. Ruins a good curry - need I say more?
6. Fancy Cheese
Brie, if it can properly be called fancy, quite frankly, is for wimps; and deep fried Brie, as a starter, is completely inane. What's wrong with a decent English cheese like Lancashire, Sage Derby or Stilton?
7. Litterbugs
Bring back the Wombles who had a correct perspective on this issue; though Mike Bat could almost qualify for a mention on my list in his own right. All kinds of litter is vile. It does not belong on our streets. Take your litter home.
8. Thumpers
People who drive round with their sound systems thumping out some kind of primitive, vaguely rhythmic kind of noise with no musical quality whatsoever; all the time believing that somebody else thinks they are cool.
9. Chelsea F.C.
An infallible cure for insomnia, they have consistently played the most boring football in the English Premiership over the past 10 years.
10. Lager
This disgusting yellow stuff is masquerading as a kind of beer in many of our hostelries when the cognoscenti - quite rightly - want to bring back proper warm beer!
OK - there it is! I hope you enjoyed it. I certainly feel better for getting all that out of my system. |
grumpy old man
stop winging
no one cares
grow up
peace out